Being a pediatric eye doctor and mother, I get to see mothers and children every day from very close quarters. In the half an hour I spend with them, I have seen many shades of human emotions in their eyes. I have been a friend and confidante to many and have crossed the doctor-patient limits and kept a hand on many shoulders and allow them to heal in the clinic! This blog is about the mothers! The experiences that connect you instantly to the mother in the woman, or the mother in the eyes of the child!
I met a young mother. She was all of 22 with this 2-year-old now. The child had been diagnosed to have Down’s syndrome. This baby had many eye complications of the syndrome and I was taking care of her eyes. The parents were extremely doting towards this daughter. The daughter also being a happy child, was always loved by all my staff. They were discussing having a second pregnancy with me. Though I am an eye doctor, as a pediatric ophthalmologist I tend to become very close and empathic with the family and they do discuss things from contraception, abortion and pregnancies with me. So here I was telling them that Down’s is one of the diseases which has the most likelihood of getting detected by blood tests and ultrasound early on in the pregnancy. So this mother said something so profound which surprises me even today. She said: “Madam, thank God all those tests were not used for Kavita...or else we would have aborted this beautiful baby!!” In an era, where patients mostly doubt the treating doctors, blame them for missing findings and develop resent for treating physicians, this lady had a completely different outlook to it!!! The couple’s positivity was working wonders for the baby. The heart lesion had healed, the milestones were gaining and over and above all, the girl was having this dominant loving and fighting spirit. I would like to believe that this is a miracle and the circle of love that is shielding the baby.
Another such day at work, I was busy with a thousand and one things. Compartmentalising home and work and personal and professional is very difficult for any professional. And in one of those bad days, I had a child brought by the grandfather. This child had an injury in the eye, a cut on his lid and should have been in pain but was very quiet. I examined him and went on explaining to the grandfather that he will need an urgent surgery as the wound needs care. This grandfather was obviously looking worried but the child was not even wincing. Sensing something wrong with his behaviour I told my staff to take him out of my consulting room while I discuss the details of the surgery with the grandfather alone. The Grandpa broke down. I explained that it is a minor surgery and would not affect the child’s vision. But he sobbed uncontrollably. Not considering myself in a position to pacify a 70yr old man I asked him to bring the parents so that I would discuss the matter with them. At this, he looked directly in my soul and said “ They died yesterday in the same accident that has him wounded” As ophthalmologists, we do not deal much with death and I felt cornered and numb. I should have been a healer but my healing powers were lost. I wish I could have put my hand on that 70yr old man and said it all would be fine, but how could anything be fine? I did what I could, I went into the other OPD room and cried. Cried for the change of fate of this 5 yr boy! And that of this 70yr man! And dried off my tears, drank water and was composed enough to explain about the surgery. The next day while this boy was being trollied into the OT, this boy help my hand tight and kissed it. He looked into my eyes and I could see his mother living through him. I blessed him and mothered him before the anaesthesia effect came over and I wore the surgeon’s cap and converted into his surgeon!
The last story is about myself. My son was all of 1 and half when he was running fever for almost a week. My husband was giving a very important Nephrology exam in the coming week. I was already on my emotional low point, with taking leaves from work, husband stressed with exams, son not feeling well. He refused to eat anything and I remember walking up and down our apartment building in despair. One night was most stressful. He hadnt eaten a morsel all day and I hadnt eaten either, out of worry, despair and exhaustion. He was behaving very abnormally and continuously fussing about things. Being a generally happy baby that was very abnormal for him. We took him to the pediatric hospital and found that he was very dehydrated and the test turned out to be positive for typhoid. I had studied typhoid as a bacteria in microbiology and its effects on the body in pathology and its drugs in pharmacology. Had seen many children treated for the same in pediatrics. But when it happened to my child, the doctor’s reasoning brain dissolved into a mother’s guilty brain. How did my child end up with a water borne disease? Was I not careful about hygeine? I shouldnt have taken him to that birthday party! I shouldnt have allowed him to drink the water occasionally while brushing his tiny teeth! If only I would have left my job of healing others I would have taken better care of my child and not sent him to day care! I howled and cried and felt guilty for my son having to undergo the tests and the pricks for intravenous lines. I cried in guilt for not being enough supportive of my husband in his stressful exam times and adding to his burdens. As the fever came down after the first dose of antibiotics, me and my husband slept in our child’s hospital room. We collapsed after nights of sleeplessness and relief for having atleast a diagnosis to his fever. And as I woke up I had one hand over my head which said “It will all get better” And that was my mom. She flew down because she knew I, her child needed her and my child needed a strong mother!
A mother is a very powerful being and I would like to believe in the Harry Potter story that she even has the power to embrace the child and give so much of positivity that even Voldemort could not kill the child!
To All such Powerful Mothers...Keep the Magic coming!!!
