Love At First Scan

 

Its close to 20 years of having seen my present husband, 19 years of having tried to make the first move and 18 and half years of having coaxed him forcefully to say “I Like You” which in a matter of 8 more hours I got him to Change Like to Love While quoting to my friends how he “Proposed”

“Proposed for what????” was his perplexed question, and I ignoring it completely tried to blush like the Idiot Box Heroines that had romanticized my brains.

Well, his denial was soon converted to delight for the fact that this means He has a girl available to plan his day, his meals, company for movies and eating out forever.

As we continued to be together, suddenly out of the blue I had a severe tummy ache. This happened when we were at the Hospital together attending Pediatrics Clinic. I started limping while going back to the hostel and was very worried. The pain increased till I started feeling nausea. Reaching out to my doctor parents, they gave me some Over the Counter medications and I settled for a bit. Then the next morning, unable to attend the clinics I shifted to his flat for care. With the pain increasing and I throwing up everything I ate, we decided to shift me to the hospital.

Now he was my main care taker and in my romantic brain that seemed kind of nice. Only issue was that the care taker had to talk to my not so pleased father every time before and after Doctor’s rounds. My over protective dad was in dilemma from wanting to say “Stay off my Daughter!!!” to “Stay with her, she might need help” My mother, blabbered, “She has pain, it must be a cyst…Years back someone told us she is clinically PCOD(without ever radiologically finding a cyst in my ovaries)!!!!” From having thought he is dating a smart girl; he definitely must have thought “This is a defective piece with equally crazy parents!!!”

I remember when the Surgeon came to see me, she asked “Did you pass motion?” Here as a new girlfriend, I hadn’t discussed my hopeless bowel habits with the guy. So, I shared that I was eternally constipated specially since hostel days. Then the next question “Are you passing gas?” Now this one I wasn’t going to admit. I thought my existence as a girlfriend and a future “Real” Prospect of Proposal would be in Jeopardy if I admitted to my Farts in front of my Boyfriend. Little did I know that this little Lie would mean they would have a battery of tests ready and a plan of surgery too. They suspected Intestinal Obstruction!!

 Being wheeled to the scan I looked into the mirror in the lift. The hospital gown wrapped around my body, looked like that old Bedsheet that was my mom’s favorite, which camouflages with the background having lost its original colour in multiple laundries. The gown all open from the back, my formless, shapeless body all enwrapped into it, my bloated face from the continuous Intravenous fluids being poured in, and my disheveled hair, I glanced at my guy thinking, “Here goes my chance of having a life long partner. This guy will definitely not stand the ugly Realness of human body and will instead choose that Red Gown, Deep Neckline and Stilettos clad Girl in the junior class!!”

And then came the scan. They asked me to hold the Pee. I drank a lot of water and waited. And Waited…And WAAAAIIITTTED,,, but my turn hadn’t come. Apparently a difficult scan, then an old lady with bursting bladder, then a small child who was sedated…..AND I Waited…

According to my friends it was 20 minutes, but for my bladder it felt like a 20 million hours. AND I HAD TO PEEEEEEEE!!!

He started distracting me with stories of people, juniors, seniors, childhood pranks and even scary horror stories. AND all I could think is I NEED TO PEEEE….

And I heard my name being called for the scan! I went in thankful that I didn’t pee on his pants…That would have been the end of any prospects of me finding love…

For all the medicos reading and still guessing the diagnosis, you know you are geeks just like me. It was post-operative adhesions and got relieved. And for me when I came out of that room and rushed into the bathroom and peed for the next 20 million hours, I saw the stars and professed my Love to the Man over and over again! Well that boyfriend was definitely coaxed and cornered to walk the pheras and become my husband a decade ago!

 

The definition of Success

    My initial years of Life have been spent seeing my Dad as a Physician. Though My mom is also a Pediatrician, being a Daddy's girl I was always affected more by him and imbibed his nature. So throughout life I saw him leave at 7 and come back home at 11 at night. I believe they used to take afternoon breaks but we were always in school so couldn't spend time with him. Also all Sundays (till I was a teen) he worked half days and we celebrated him as a successful physician and so as a successful man. Growing in the 90s where most educated household upheld education and associated Financial Success as the barometer of success in Life, this ideation deeply got absorbed in my mind. 

    As a naive young lady, I believed hard work= success = Financial freedom.

And Hard Work= Unavailability and Being Busy (preempted by what I saw in childhood)

    So I worshipped Workaholics, Nerds, Unavailable individuals.

As Luck would have it I spent my formative education in an Institute which was known for its high volume of patients and completely busy Residency. So the thought that Overwork=Success seeped further in.

    Slowly I myself entered into the Professional World. All throughout the 12 years of training, I had nothing to do with the finances of the services I provided. As a student in institutes which provided nearly Free treatment to the patients, I felt utter shame and guilt for charging for my services.

    I felt extreme hesitation to negotiate my salary or allowances with mostly Non- Medical MBA grads and felt like an Imposter in the system.

    Also, Private practice is not like Institute practice. There was time to dress up in morning before work, time for tea breaks and lunch breaks, something I had never experienced in my training. Also time to chat with Colleagues as you wait for patients. I just felt unsuccessful in my career, inspite of making enough money for our family. I felt I deserve the Money and it didn't give me Happiness too.  When people asked what I did, I felt I work but not Enough!

    This in a sense dissociated me from myself. I felt not good enough, smart enough, busy enough. The very fact that I wasn't occupied 8am to 8pm, I didn't feel Doctor Enough.  

        Until one day, I had a lady who walked in with her child. She was hassled, non attentive, irritable. Her child was special and though she was fully empathic and in love with her boy, she was looking exhausted. I usually talk with the care givers about their health, as I believe if they are well then they will be able to assist in the child's healing too. And she started talking and then ended sobbing. She was TIRED. she was a Software Engineer, who had left it all since 4 years with guilt and despair of having a special child. With no childcare support, she had no other options too. She tumbled down the hill of despair, disillusionment and doubt. With her mental health going down, she couldn't even take her child to therapies due to the fear that ONE new problem would crop up. She was overwhelmed with the whole thing and said that "Madam, if only I could spend 2 hours working, I would start feeling better. I feel worthless and hopeless in my present situation" Though I spent an hour with this lady and her beautiful son, talking, counselling and most importantly Listening (Something that I guessed she wanted), I couldn't help but feel happy that she left lighter and brighter from my consulting room. Though I didn't have much eye care in her son's case, she still remains in touch and drops in to just reconnect and smile. 

    Another incident that shook me is that of a young boy. He was 20 and came with his parents. He has crossed eye and father felt that should be corrected. He was pensive and didn't talk much. As he was an adult, I wanted to make sure if the correction is something that he wants too. He just softly said "What does it matter?" I looked at his dad for more clues and I saw them slowly break down. Slowly the father revealed that their son had just started his first week of college and as he had meritoriously got into a nice Engineering College they felt a lot of happiness and relief that he will feel settled. But he doesn't want to go now and doesn't want to continue the course. They felt his squint would be a point of distress and wanted it cleared.  And then I said something the parents didn't expect, "I said, its ok you want to leave the course." The boy looked up, first time. And then another hour session followed where we talked about bullying, the shame, the imposter syndrome, the feeling of worthlessness. Correlating the Strabismus to Shame is also very common among Young Adults. And I spent time talking about Body positivity and Body Confidence. He listened but didn't talk much and left. I never heard from them. 

    Then suddenly once afternoon I had a confident looking Adult walking in for surgery. After walking him through all the details and the pros and cons of his decision we fixed up a date. Till all this while, I had a feeling I had seen him somewhere but couldn't recollect. Then at the end he smiled "You didn't recognize me did you?"  and then walked in his father. Instantly I recollected our long conversation that day. He said "You don't know yet but you saved my Life. I was suicidal and couldn't work my emotions but just listening to you, I slowly shifted to positivity and today have a job at GOOGLE. So with full positivity, I want to undergo the cosmetic surgery as I deserve It!!!" Tears flowed through my eyes and I didn't try to stop them.

    I realized what all those years of toiling, remaining awake at night, memorizing the Krebs cycle and the Metabolism of Vitamin A and the Mechanism of Action of Dorzolamide and the multiple humiliating Vivas faced in Medicine have done for me. They made me a better, empathic, resilient and tolerant human being with a unique ability to heal. Every life, Every Eye saved is worth it. And I stopped putting a quantity to things like number of patients or Surgeries but each heart healed is my Quality Index. 

I don't mind today if I work only for 4 hours in a day and spend the rest of the time being with my kids, reading a book or going for a run. I don't feel like having to prove myself to anyone except myself and I have made peace with Money and invited it into my life with the understanding that this will be a Power for me to do more Good.  Even if I can Change the perspective of a child going through Bullying, or a mother going through post partum depression or an adult with low self esteem creating havoc in his personal or professional life, I know I have become a good Doctor and more importantly, a good Human being. 

    The culmination of education shouldn't be Becoming a Doctor, Engineer, Scientist or Reporter. The beginning of Adult hood should be with the Barometer, Did you become a Good Human Being doing Good to your fellow Human Beings and the Planet Earth? There are lot of opportunities for every Adult to do good and that will give you happiness and peace that is Ever lasting Unlike your Money in Mutual Funds which will vanish in yet another fancy vacation, car or house!

The Diwali After!

 

The Days towards Diwali feel like a wedding. New clothes to be bought, Home to be cleaned and decorated, Old Lights to be hung on the entrances of homes, Savouries and sweets to be made. There are so many checklists to the countdown to Diwali that everything else takes a Backseat. I have always like celebrations. Be it dancing around the Fire in Lohri, Doing Garba-Dandiya in Navaratri, Exchanging gifts in Christmas, Doing Aarti in Diwali or receiving Sevayya from patients and friends in Eid. 

The traditions evolve at home with our evolvement.

Earlier in Adult Life, I used to feel anxiety of every festival. The fear to follow unknown traditions, inability to multitask or plan led me to feel severe Diwali Dull. As I grew internally, I began to understand the true meaning of traditions. From being Rituals they started becoming Traditions. So now I make it a point to do a lot of Diwali internal cleaning too. From forgiving myself and others, I make it a point to wish my well wishers, distribute sweets and involve ourselves as a family in spreading the vibes. This year of 2020, though was low on visits, we manage to meet in open spaces for limited period of time and video call too a lot of our friends and family!

And then, the festival is gone. All guests gone. The crackers lying splintered, charring the ground below. The flowers aging and drying. The lights go poof and the wintry silence of the night takes over. Most people have indigestion from the kilos of sweets and snacks consumed. Some boxes of unopened sweets still lie on the counter. Some boxes with Fried savouries, that were often visited for few days, now lie unattended. The wrappers of Diwali gifts are thrown, the burnt Diyas are discarded and the Decors are taken down and stored for next year. The Aftermath of a Festival is painful to see.

What stays are: The million memories made, the positive vibes from those 2 cm fire from the Diya and the smell of Agarbatti, the brilliant glow from the idol of Lakshmi Mata still is burning the embers in your soul. And the year starts all over again. According to Vikram Samvat Calender followed by Hindus, the year started 57 years before the Georgian Calender. So 2020 is 2020+57= 2077. New Year 2077  started after Diwali. So while we start the Georgian Calender with Resolutions, we start the Hindu New Year with Gratitude to the Nature, Animals and Human Life. This year of all has taught us Gratitude for lots. Gratitude for Front line workers, the sanitary staff, the House keeping staff, the Doctors and Nurses, the Milk Man, the vegetable vendors, the ambulance drivers, the Internet providers. Gratitude to Netflix and Amazon Prime that gave us content to keep going. Gratitude to Microsoft Teams and Zoom that kept the schools, colleges and IT industries going. 

 Gratitude as a  virtue will  bring more in life to feel Gratitude for. 

So here's wishing you a Very Grateful New year!

No More LockDown!!

 

I was running uphill on a green Mountain in Mauve Chiffon saree with high heels (God Knows how I was running!) and Perfect wavy curls in my hair. And there after being on top of the hill, without a drop of Perspiration (I sweat even if I walk 200 meters!) I am serenaded into the arms of my man! Well I felt a sharp jibe by something like a foot in my ribs, and got up to see one pair of feet below me and one pair on my face. Apparently, I was just woken up from My perfect Yash Raj Dream by my 2 kids who rotate all throughout the night on the bed and make sure I stay in Reality rather than these perfect dreams!

Well Up at 3 in the morning, I thought back to the last 8 months! The Lockdown, is the term of 2020. With March ending bring the first wave of Corona Panic in India, the horrific stories of this deadly disease were viral from our Adopted Country, USA (What with every second Gujarati or Telugu speaking person staying in US!)

                So we swayed with our attitudes changing with every Lunar Cycle!

First Fortnight, people stayed indoors, ate only Dal,Chawal, Felt like Apocalypse was here, Second Fortnight, Migrant workers started panicking and wanting to go home,

 3rd Fortnight, the aftermath of this remigration was the stories of hunger and apathy of the Death March Like Conditions of these Migrant workers(caused extreme Low moods in the public)

 4th Fortnight and Covid Death started increasing. What with Irfan Khan, Rishi Kapoor and Sushant Singh Rajput all succumbing to various illnesses, mental and physical, the households in India dwelved further down in the morale.

5th fortnight, required creativity to come out of the dread. So wasapp, facebook and News channels were blocked and Gas Stoves, Microwaves and Ovens were always on. There came Pizzas, Breads, Macaronis, Butter Naan, tandoors, Biryanis, Soups, Momos and multiple cups of Dalgona Coffee! We numbed the agony of human life with butter, cheese and garlic!

6th Fortnight and Lo and Behold Our Ministers started saying that We had won the War Against Corona. Due to heavy boredom, crippling obesity and  muddled brain due to every corner of the 3BHK houses being used, we started limping back to an act of normalcy. People designed masks to wear outside, fought with Society heads to have the House Help back, and shopped like never before for Washing Machines, Dish Washers and Vaccuum Cleaners.

Now that people were out and around the 7th and 8th Fortnight brought the real wave of Covid in the country. Sudden deaths, dearth of beds, Overworked and Underpaid medical staff crawled into the 9th and 10th Fortnight, completely shaken by the sheer craziness of the disease and the hunger of the corporate hospitals. 

And then the 11th Fortnight, Just like the end of Navaratri on the 10th day with Dussera, we brought an end to Corona Mania in the 11th Fortnight. We stopped discussing, dwelving, hoarding, herding or lamenting about the Corona Mania anymore. Discussion of the Bihar Elections, the Biden- Trump war and Kareena's 2nd time bump caught more attention of the Indian Public!

Now with these nearly 14 Fortnights from the Start of this Pandemic in India, we have a whole different Lockdown to face. This extremely crazy period has brought economic crisis, loss of jobs, loss of education (due to non affordability of many parents to put children to school online), Return Migration to villages (with Non affordability of house rents in the city), Extreme Anger Tantrums and Attention Deficits in children (due to continuous access to gadgets for a myriad of reasons), Domestic Violence (brought out by economic stress and constant in the face existence of couples), Child Abuse (due to unsafe environments as many children have been sent off to villages to let the parents work) and The Most Dreaded Work Depression.

Just the other day I had a 15 year old with suicidal ideations as the University he had applied for last year, didnt give Visas and this year he hasnt made it. A Lady who expected that the Lockdown will bring her family closer, but instead sunk into depression with inability to keep up with the household chores, 6 month baby and Husband locked in for 20 hours of the day in the room due to over burden from the IT companies. A child as young as 6, was cutting himself, due to severe mental illness rising from loneliness of being all day with himself with his both parents stuck in Work From Home Jobs! A man around 70 yrs age was looking lost and with just the eyes peeping out from the mask, it was difficult to read what was going on. I just felt he needed to talk and so when I asked He confessed that he doesn’t feel afresh anymore and doesn’t want to follow daily routine as there is nothing to look forward to. His kids all married stay away and this year there have been no visits and phone calls are also less as everyone is busy with a hectic schedule. His friends who used to walk together and play bridge together also avoid each other due to fear from this pandemic.

The mental and physical effects of this Pandemic will stay much after the Virus has left us. So Lets Unlock these emotions. Take precautions but pay visits. Do more frequent Video Calls. Sit apart and wear masks but ask your neighbors how they are? Let your Kid know that you know it is tough for them and arrange for some human company for the child. Let these years' targets fail or the bosses give you a negative report but don’t take  on yourself more than you or your family can handle.

For this I have decided to do this and urge you to do the same. 

1. Get up 30 minutes earlier. Meditate or deep breath or do chanting. You will feel you are doing nothing but the clarity that you will get will help you Pivot and take the right decision for you and your family. 

2. Exercise to feel good. It will open up the Road Blocks that cloud your brain. 

3. Ask your Neighbour, call, message or shout from the Window. Have atleast 5 human connections individually for each family member which is not your own. 

4.
While you Multitask with Home and Work and Kids and Spouses, Sing to yourself and Pat yourself daily saying "You have survived the Pandemic. This too shall pass!"

  Prioritise the Needs and decide to Pivot. Go Slow, Choose a comfortable path, Aim Appropriate. If we don’t have peace, With Or Without Covid we are anyways Doomed.

Spread a Little Love Around Peeps! Happy Holidays!

Mara Vhala Dada- My Darling Grandfather

 Today is my Grandfather's 85th birthday. If not for the pandemic I had plans to visit him. But I am celebrating him today where I am.

My childhood was spent more with my Grandfather than my father and so he played a pivotal role for who I am today. 

My mornings would get up with hi. Chanting " Shri Krishna Sharanam mamah" and he would play bhajans on his cassette player while getting ready for his Seva. As I slept with him, the moment he woke his Thakorji(little krishna) by 3 claps was time for me to get up too. Every night he would tell me stories of Krishna or freedom fighters. He is a Krishna bhakt and Desh Bhakt in equal proportions. So our days were filled with stories of freedom fight, Riots and Krishna Leela. 

As a kid I many times detested that my parents slept with my brother and I with dada in our small 2 bedroom apartment. I felt neglected by my parents and would sneak to parents room when dada would fall asleep😴 . I now realize how wonderful it was to get to sleep with him.

As any middle class family, education was very valued in our house too. And so my first study table was set up in his room. With his room having a jhoola in the balcony, many evenings were spent studying aloud on the swing. 

Dada had a pretty rough childhood. His dad died of acute Cardiac arrest and Mom too died of Burns at very young age. Brought up by his paternal uncle he faced issues like any foster care child would. Inspite of hardly any education support he finished college and took up a job with Life Insurance of India, where he served till his retirement.

He shares stories of his dates before marriage with Ba(Grandmother) st Law Garden. How they would talk endlessly about future plans!

Ba and Dada in Kashmir

With Ba and he both working, they were best blended couple. Dada cut veggies, bathed the kids and made them study and Ba cooked and washed. They worked hand in hand without any external family support to raise well mannered and educated kids. 

My dad Ofcourse took up medicine and fulfilled Dadas dream of having a doctor in the family. Both Ba and Dada, complete Vaishnavs walked hand in hand on spiritual path also. Dad and Mom got married and life seemed settled for him when the next shock came.

Moms Godh Bharai with Lil Aloka Inside

My Ba was detected to have Breast cancer. With my dad still studying, through the meagre sources of income they managed surgery and Chemotherapy. Spirituality held them close and Ba got better. Both of them did their first Vraj Yatra( For Krishna bhakts Vaishnavs, visiting all the Leela sites is Bliss) Once they came back from the Yatra, Ba deteriorated and had an excruciating end of life. With no Morphine and multiple episodes of Ascites, Dada remembers him tapping the fluid and massaging as she howled through pain. I still remember as a 4 year old, Dadas face the day Ba died. He was a broken man.

I dont know how in an era where there is no grief counselling, financial debts and necessary to go  back to work with 2 young kids in the house, how he managed to cope. But what I did see is that he turned in to Prabhu spiritually. 

Amara Vhala  Thakorji

He started routinely visiting the temple, where they would do an hour of Satsang before the main Arti and I presume that worked as therapy. Making friends, laughing at joke and healing through prayers, music and meditation, over the years he became the chief person to do the Satsang if Maharajsri was not there. 

Satsang

He took part in organising events for the temple and worked for the welfare of the community. Healing the grieving, helping some poor kids education and supporting livelihood of some small businessman, he lived through a life of Seva. In turned God blessed him with happiness and peace. 

I have always seen him joking and laughing, as his name Vinodchandra rightly defines, he is a man of laughter. Sometimes he jokes in abandon which might have hurt a few but he usually means no harm!

His usual expression

I remember him rushing from the temple and changing clothes in the drawing room itself to not miss a moment of the then popular serial "Hum Paanch" and "Jaspal Bhatti" He laughed loudly at those jokes and still to date loves the Jokes or Haasya Columns in Newspapers or later in life the WhatsApp Joke forwards!

I was a very anxious person during exams. He always gave Mishri or Sugar while going for important exams or today while leaving home for the airport. I remember once in Medical School, I was very tense and he gave me the Yamunashtak to calm me. To date whenever I tense up, I turn to this.

He was very supportive when me and Santosh were dating and wanted to get married. Also at this age and with a very conservative background he is still very supportive of by brother and his girlfriend. His only motive is that all his grandkids should be happy where and with whom they are. He flew far when I announced my pregnancy the first time around. He just wanted to be with me and bless the pregnancy. Also the one to walk my husband to the marriage mandap was my Dada. My husband's folks also have huge regard for him and his wiseness. 

With us in Madurai

Walking the Groom in the Mandap

Wedding celebrations

Blessing us always

My tearful Bidaai

One person that he loves the most is his daughter, Sangita. Till today when talking to me he calls me Sangita first and then Aloka. He loves thinking of her and talking to her, and goes back in time whenever he remembers her. And the fun part is when together they fight like Tom and Jerry. 

Tom and Jerry

His other Grandson's wedding

I love to see him with my kids today and he is the same loud laugh guy, playing cricket and making music with his hand and mouth. He sings to them and puts me and them to sleep with his amazing massaging techniques. They both are amazed in delight at this grand-grand father.

Anshs Birth

Amey's Birth

His place of peace- Jhoola or Hinchko

Our Lovely Big Family

Today and everyday, I wish him Sat Chit Anand. As Bhagwat Gita says, Sthool Sharir may be 85 but his Atma has been with me for cycles and cycles of Jeevam. 

Happy Birthday Dada,

Tamari Ladli

Aloka

8 Year Old!

Dearest Ansh
It was 8 years ago that the Gynaecologist lifted you up, Up above those green sheets to show me You!

And I was in love...


I had never felt such gush of emotions before. Though I knew Physiology and Anatomy of how a baby is made, I was In awe of how such a cute little darling can be made in my body which had all turned bloated, pigmented and "UGLY"!
I cried that day when you suckled and fed from me! I felt my purpose in life was this!

You have grown to an age of 8! For your world, you are grown up and little all in one. We are able to have discussion with you which are beyond your age, as you are inquisitive beyond your age.
This is when you will start seeing the workd for real. You will see that the world isnt round but uneven with uneven lives and uneven opportunities. You asked me yesterday about "Black Lives Matter" and why Flloyd was killed by a Policeman. In this was your hidden fear of being targeted by a policeman, who I had taught is to help you! But Unfortunately you will start seeing that things are Gray! Protector can Harm and Prisoner can be kind. Killer can have mercy and Pastor can be a demon.

All these years when we taught you Black and White, Now it is time to explore the Gray and understand the zone you want to choose.

I want to protect but want you to bloom, and I know you will not bloom if I hold the petals. So Here's me wishing that you are Free in you mind to explore without judging, free with your eyes to see analytically and free with your heart to love without prejudices. And when you falter or fall or fear I am there with that safety net always standing with my soul to protect and caress you. Even If I am gone, my soul is forever your friend and protector!

Read, travel, befriend, explore the world. Please remember: More bad is projected than Good. There are kind humans more than evil. Learn to listen, filter and trust. We are all here for finite years, but make your journey Impactful to your soul! Keep other's judgement out of your decisions and learn to listen to your inner voice.
     Also remember, we are not clones. And all those who are with you are not going to Jump from A to B to C. Each ones Lifepath is different and so dont think all are in a fixed 500 meter race. The Race is long and is your own path. 50 years from now, you will see that all 25 of you in the class had their own path, own story.

   Also, your Mumma learnt all this the hard way, so if you fail do not bother. Life teaches us to take the Right and Wrong turns, as you will realise All Paths will lead you to your Purpose.
For Now, this is me signing off! As for you all that matters today is the Chole Puri and the Chocolate Cake with your friends singing the Birthday Song!
Love
Mummy
10-06-2020

Locking Down Your Soul!

A cry by the Mother to Heal your Well,
A Well that never fills with treasure or Care;

The more we live, the more we want,
A house, a second, a beach one and on a hilly top;

The latest Bentley, the latest i-phone,
Look around son there are more like your dying of hunger;

The cry of the bleating sheep, the barks of the dogs,
The birds and their nests, without trees where would they flock;

The rivers and rivulets all filled with chemicals and grime,
Oh Darling! You have silenced it all as you drive your Motor cars around the tarmacs, flying without a sight;

Lockdown, quarantine, Protective devices, Sanitisers,
These words are new, as my 2 yr old learns;

 Oh Man! Own up to your blunders, as your mother Churns,
You will come, you will go, but the technology that you create will destroy your future;

You respect No one, human, beast or bird,
You throttle a man on the roads, just because he is of another colour;

You explain to the world that he is a migrant worker,
Hardly looking around your house which was made by his sweat not so longer;

We prey on the weak, and keep our blinkers on,
Now with these masks on, our real masks can go under;

Oh Child, learn to respect the seas and the skies,
Learn to live with minimal as you melt in your highs;

The birds chirps and the cows love,
will come only if you allow all to thrive in their coves;

I nurture and nourish but churn to destroy,
Dance I will to shake the shambles, Down and under;

You will hear the forests burn and the Clouds burst,
The cities flood and the cyclones tumble;

The avalanche of snow all over the place,
You are my child, but will not let you destroy the peace that prevails!

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, Rules the World

Today is May 10^th 2020. World Celebrates Today as Mother’s Day. I remember years back when there were Card Shops they would have the most lovely Hallmark and Archies Cards for this occasion.

Also I remember having to write Essays in English and Gujarati language when in school. One of the commonest used to be on Mother. There was a line we often wrote in this, “The Hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” As a young girl, I didn’t have many examples of Women Leaders and I didn’t understand How does a Woman Rule the World? And I didn’t understand the concept of what Ruling the World Meant. When Schools taught about Akbar, Alexander or British Raj, ruling the world always meant being Barbaric, conquering, killing and cheating and therefore I couldn’t visualise a mother becoming a Ruler. Well, slowly but surely I started noticing the art and intelligence behind every Lady of the House becoming the Leader.

A mother- daughter relationship is a complex one. From as young as I remember, my mom was always the stoic, balanced, strong lady of the house. Her voice was heard less but  was the strongest. Mom has an amazing Geographic sense. From when I remember, when we used to go for long drive to Gandhinagar (The only Multiplex theatre that time was 50-60 kms away), my Dad who seemed always lost on the road, asked for directions from Mom. She used to drive less, but surprisingly knew all the roads.

Also, she had her ways of providing. I remember I was in class 11, and there was a class party. In my life then, it was a BIG event. She took me shopping and got me a short dress much to my dad’s horror! Also my grumpy dad was sturdily handled by mom, who made sure I went to the party wearing that LBD. (Of course the fact that my dad was waiting outside the party all throughout to pick me up could not be controlled)

I never saw any discomfort to be in a cross culture relation at home. She was a Malayali, and the reason I write ‘was’, is that I never was made aware of that fact except the Sunday Morning phone calls from Kerala or the summer vacation at Muthachan’s (Nana’s) place. She blended, read Gujarati newspapers, wrote recipes in Gujarati, had only Gujarati friends and made all the Gujarati delicacies of Chundo, Khamni, Dhokla, Handvo or Undhiyu. Though having her own adjustment issues at home, I have seen her being quite reserved about that and never letting it out of her breath. 

She was the one who made me take up Classical Dance and Classical Music at a young age. That was the only South Indian influence I had in life. Buying the sarees for me, knitting the pleats, doing my makeup before shows, buying the latest accessories for the Bharatanatyam performances and always being back stage to support, she inculcated my love for the art.

Being miles away and in days where there was no Mobile phones or internet, she made sure she kept up with her family. Wrote letters, made us write letters, visited Chechis (Sisters), had wonderful relationships with her Brothers and their wives and kids, she remembered each birthday, anniversary and celebration there was in the Pisharody family. Now of course she makes it a point to meet up everyone in happy and sad occasions. Also my dad’s relations were better maintained by her, where she would call up, host and make the best Gujarati delicacies for all!

Also an extremely dedicated wife is what would describe her best. She had her ways of supporting my father’s fantastic professional career. Always taking care of the home front, being satisfied with her small and meaningful practice and making sure his mood swings are tolerated and catered to during his stressful days. During those days when we were young, I never saw her have her own set of girlfriends or going out for a cup of coffee alone, it was always around her Man. His friends, His outings were made her own. Now since few years, thanks to Facebook and Social media, she has reconnected and rejoiced in meeting up and travelling with friends and family. 

She always had a small yet meaningful practice. I remember years back when she got a new Edition of Nelson (a textbook of Paediatrics) and finished the entire thick book in a week’s time. She was the organiser in her conferences for many years. Her patients (as babies) now bring their kids to her and reminisce Doctor Aunty's help during their childhood. She had no qualms of referring to her juniors for admissions (She stopped inpatient admission when we were kids to be at home and reduce stress in the house) and was always a supporter of good practitioner. Along with my dad, I haven’t seen her ever take any financial or other favours from any Pharmaceutical company which talks high of her professional ethics.

My mom’s biggest role is that of a planner in our house. If you call her at Midnight and say “ I want to come home”, She will have a mental list ready and start “Jet Airways First flight is at 7, Spice Jet is at 8, You can also come via Mumbai or Bangalore!” Or if you call and say “I wish to see Cappadocia”, She will send you a list of travel sites, travel agents, her own pictures and flight details to reach that place. Every Year from last 30plus years my parents (along with us when we were home) have travelled. From Manali, Ooty, Singapore, Dubai, Greece, Italy, Japan, China, Egypt, Mexico, England, Switzerland, Poland, Israel, Jordan, all the travels have been almost entirely manifested by my mom’s efforts. In days when there was no internet, I remember the Monthly Subscription of Travel Magazine, where she would read, underline and take notes to plan travels. My dad, an avid traveller himself is a perfect partner, where they read books, take maps and travel without the help of any tour agent in all cities of the world!

I remember the times when I was young, when almost every month I used to suffer from Asthma attack. After all those Asthalin pumps and Honey and Sitopaladi (Ayurvedic medicine which helped me on those bad struggling nights) and warm water, only thing that would give me sleep would be sleeping on my Mom’s chest, listening to her heart beat. I remember when I used to be off from school due to illness, she would make a pitcher of Lime Juice and Hot Soup and keep it on the dining table to be had when she would be working at the Hospital.

She taught me independence. In those days we would have to go to Railway station or booking centres to book train tickets. We would have to stand in the Queue from early morning, to get confirmed tickets for 3 months down train travel. I remember so many occasions of waiting with her, filling the form and spending early morning in those queues. Also there was one Adani Supermarket, the only supermarket in Ahmedabad those days (who knew Adani will become such a big name as is now), she would buy everything written on the list and carry all that heavy weight home. A big fan of bananas, I remember so many occasions when she would send me on cycle to the Fruit shop nearby to get bananas for her.

17 years back when I professed to her that I was in love, she came down to Pune by train to meet him. Having spent the day with us, I remember she left a message saying, “Santosh is a great guy, He will keep you happy”. As a young adult uncertain of everything, her words meant so much to me. Of course, our dad being the over sensitive guy in the house, she made sure this Big News of mine stayed away from him many more years. She supported me in all my decisions. Being there during my first year MBBS exams when I had a nervous breakdown, being in the hospital with me in Pune when I had very bad gastroenteritis, staying with us in our first home in Madurai and appreciating the Tree of curry leaves in the veranda of that small house, spoiling me with care before and after the first one was born,  being there to baby sit the babies whenever I have asked, coming to Hyderabad suddenly overnight just to make sure I was ok when I was in my blues, helping us shift to our new home or being there at the hospital with me in the perinatal period after my second one.

I can say I have seen her rawest emotion of extreme love when she became a Grandmother. How her eyes light up when she talks to the boys always amazes me. She showers them with cuddles, kisses and love, makes what they want and spoils them silly with gifts. There was a time when I was jealous of the boys for getting so much love, where I would be criticised for various things. 

After years of ups and down in this relationship, where I have found her being my biggest critic yet my greatest supporter, I feel extremely in awe of Mom who truly rules our world. I love you Mom, and you have been the best Role Model I have seen through my growing up years. All I wish is you be happy and peaceful from inside out.

 So today I made my Mom’s favourite dish, Curd Rice, Just like her this simple dish is like her, Cool, Blended, White and Pure yet tasty and bursting with flavours!

As tomorrow You and Papa celebrate your 38^th Wedding Anniversary, Thanks for blending, binding and integrating all the Families that we all combined are a part of now!