No I Dont Enjoy Motherhood!

NO I DON’T ENJOY MOTHERHOOD!

  

And the yummy mummy walks in. Pretty in pastel pink dress with long beautifully coloured and rolled hair, perfect matching accessories, long legs and beautiful diamond bracelet with dewy makeup and perfect white teeth. And she looks at a baby on the bassinet, the baby equally soft and pink with beautiful smile tugging at the mama’s hair and then the Johnson moment!

   That’s the visual I had in my head regarding motherhood.

   Cut to present. My hair is greasy and turning white soon! Face is greasy and pimpled too. Dark circles and wrinkles. I cuss under the breathe as I am running behind the 17month old to change his over full diaper as the 6 yr old tugs at my ill fitting dress and for the millionth time screams ‘Mumma Mumma!!’ at a pitch so high that my grandmother must be moving in her grave! When I finally catch hold of the smaller one and remove his diaper, there he goes and pees all over my absolutely new rug and then stamps all over the place with footprints of pee. The elder one by now has climbed on top of the chair and attempts to remove the 9^th chocolate biscuit of the day from the cookie box! I have to choose between the naked baby or the bigger one tripping from the chair. So I choose injury over 2^nd chance of peeing! And then rush to stabilize the chair when the elder one again starts the long discussion (argument) and justifies he definitely needs one more biscuit!

  

The mobile rings in the bedroom and the patient I operated a week back is calling. I suddenly remember I am also a doctor and change my tone to a humanized one and answer politely. As the patient called in the nth hour I presume its important when this grown up man says “Please talk to my mom!” Already rolling my eyes, I continue my polite tone when both the boys end up playing tug of war with my already fragile grey hair. And she asks: “I called to ask whether my little boy (all of 25yrs old, mind you) can have Chicken Masala! My politeness changing to curtness I manage a” Yes”. When she says, “But can I put all masalas!!!” And I continue, “Yes”. And she presses, “But didn’t you know Non veg is bad for the stitches you put during squint surgery!” Now, my hair is falling all over the place and the kids are screaming for attention in the highest decibel of voice possible and I manage to say,” Oh If you think so then don’t give him Non Veg but there is no scientific logic behind it”. The Mom, now fully in power decides: ok then No Nonveg for one more week”. (Why did you call me, I wondered) Now with the mobile off, the elder one with the biscuit half in his mouth and half crumbling over the floor, pesters me to open the mobile lock(One of the reasons I never answer phone with the kids around is to keep them away from it!)

   As I start another discussion (aka argument) over No to phones, I run to mop the pee and the crumbles and soak the rug. By now the bell rings. The man of the house is back. The kids change the focus and pounce on the man. I rush to distract the kids so that the dirty hospital clothes can be changed but the kids do not want my attention anymore. As the kids lick and tug at the clothes, as a doctor mother I have visuals of the worst antibiotic resistant hospital acquired infections in my mind. And so I leave everything else and make the clothes change my mission! Irritated with my pesterly motherly advises the Man and his cubs laugh and giggle and start their riot!

The mobile rings again. Fearing the Mom, I approach the mobile and my fears have risen to a new level where I see the cook is calling. He announces that he isn’t coming for the day! Now having only an hour at hand, I start doing gazillion things at super speed in the kitchen and the pots and pans are flying high. With the power of Super Mom in, I plan to make the greenest of veggies and super nutritious dinner is ready in no time. The kids keep coming in and tugging at my clothes and keep announcing that they are hungry as I cook. This pleases my ears so much as I thank my cook for not coming and giving me this opportunity. In 10 min time as the food is on the plate, the elder one announces that he has a tummy ache and doesn’t want to eat. The younger one throws the food around and enjoys having a spinach smash! I glare and beg, plead and praise and try different tactics to get those 10 spoons of spinach in their mouths! As their mutiny continues I make stories and sing, dance and make up stories about Popeye (Yes, I am old school and so change the story to Sonic Boom and Avengers) and the boys decide that they had had enough! With plates half full and pot nearly full, I now change the attention to the biggest boy and keep asking him if the food is good! With his mouth full he manages an OK! And all hell breaks loose! Realising that wifey dear may be in that time of the month he makes the blasphemous mistake of asking me so and I storm away in the loudest way possible (Possibly called Tramping away I think)

   Now with the dinner done, the next is sleep time and I let bygones be bygones and start reading a story. And then the 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th , 5^th and 1^st again and start dosing between the words. And I get a tight slap by my elder one! As I wake up back he says, “Oh I thought you were asleep” I mutter yet another cuss word under the breath and smile and get back to reading again. And the little one has caught Book No.2 and torn its pages. Soon its converting into a Bahubali 2 situation and I wonder whether there is any love left between the 2 brothers.

 Another 2 hours go by as the boys hit bed and I find myself running to the refrigerator and celebrating my success by a chocolate. The hubby politely reminds me of my fitness goals and new year resolutions of avoiding chocolates especially at night and I cuss again, this time loud and put the big piece into my mouth! Then I arrange the gym clothes and plan for the morning in advance so that I can get that extra bit of workout that would compensate for the chocolate. And I hit bed and almost every 15 min throughout the night get hit in the head, tummy, back , bum by a child. My plan to get up by 5 keeps getting postponed as my mind revolts saying “You haven’t slept enough” At 6 both children are up and It was meant to be a peaceful weekend holiday!

   So with no exercise, no morning tea I continue on yet another rampage at home before I try to meet the deadline of “In time” at work! As I leave, the kiddos plead me to call it an off and say they miss me when I am away. With a heavy heart and an empty tummy I drive my way to work when my mom calls. Her question is about the No.1 Kid and the next and last is about the No.2 Kid. Feeling glum about no concern about me, I retreat for not being the centre of attention for my own mom too!

   And then I reach the hospital and put on my apron as the first patient walks in. With a child as young as 2, not yet walking or running, born after 14yrs of marriage, I see love, hope and strength in this mother for her special child! I look back at my previous day and remind myself of the blessings I have at home all hale and hearty and thank the heavens above for the same!

   Motherhood is never easy. Never a cakewalk and certainly not like the advertisements on the screen! It is challenging and demanding more than any other job! You need to multitask, change plans, plan, execute and then get used to failed plans, sudden sicknesses and sudden mood swings.

   Just remember that You are not always supposed to be a fairy god mother with the magic wand and all smiles. You can cuss, fail, shout, scream, howl and apologize and you will still remain a good mother! This is one job that has no competition and your children have this only one mother! So feel free to once in a while say that “You hate Motherhood” You Still Are A Great Mother my lovely ladies!

2018: a big small year for us!

There is a song and the lyrics go like this "Matlabi, ho ja zara matlabi, sabki hi sunta hai kyu, apni bhi sun le kahi!!!" which essentially means "become selfish and put the spotlight on you"

For me this was essentially what I did and that spotlight helped me put things in a better perspective and help me develop a wonderful home and work environment.

This year brought us, not seen before challenges and wonderful high moments too! And Running as a sport has taught me that when you are struggling in your uphill run there is an easy slope waiting on the next side.

This year was about Amey's physical milestones, Anshs emotional milestones and Santosh and Mine quest towards work-life balance and pirsuit of happiness.

We ended the year 2017 with this pic taken from our first puja before interiors commenced at the new home. With tiny tots and work pressures, we juggled between 2 homes and 2 workplaces and hyderabad traffic never made it easier.

1st Jan 2017 I got a new haircut and me and Ansh watched an extremely sensitive film called "Wonder". Also January brought our Annual Hospital Picnic where I took Amey and had to feed him in between games in a hotel room!

Amey grew fast and was ready to start his solid feeds. So one Sunday did a small ceremony called 'Annaprasham' where the first feed usually a rice porridge or payasam is fed. Being the foodie he is, he licked it up! He became one of our family as he slowly started getting involved in Anshs games!

The 6 month infant celebrated hjs milestone at a dinner night for the  family!

We took him in his pram to Anshs cricket classes and fed him cut fruits as he watched the elder one play!

Getting the New home ready for all in the family was quite a task. The selection of handles, wood work, furniture, shower cubicles, paints, drains, kitchen cupboards, fans, all was painstakingly tiring but very rewarding when the kids had their things according to their choice and Santoshs parents had things according to their requirements. We were on cloud 9 with our new abode.

In the next 3 months, we saw Amey crawl, stand and walk confidently and the play area in the community helped a lot to bring him out of the stranger anxiety!

Also, Ansh graduated from Pre Primary and was ready for his 1st grade at school! The graduation ceremony was touching and my eyes were all welled up with emotions as I remembered how much he used to cry every time I left him at school and how now he is a confident young boy!

Also in the summer holidays, we took our first well deserved vacation as a family of 4 in Ooty! For Amey it was the first time he had exclusive time with all 3 of us 24/7 and he thoroughly enjoyed the changes. There were no problems with change of place and food and the vacation got us lot of beautiful memories as a a family!

somewhere in July, Santosh helped me register for Couch to 5k running programme. And both of us felt wonderful to be among a group of runners who helped us set the goal higher and improve our fitness. August saw both of us finishing our small mini marathons!

Amey turned 1 in August, and my parents flew down to be part of the happy day!

Ganesh Chaturthi was celebrated with much grandeur at our community and this was the first festival where I owned up and made laddus for all! Ansh made new friends and participated in a dance event for Ganesha too!

As Santoshs Mom was posted for surgery that week, it was a tough 1 week for us. First the difficulty to see the Matriarch of the house in ICU with support, Santosh away to tend and care, worried sisters-in-law at home and kids continuously asking for Dad and Dadi! 

I somehow managed to hold on tight and in between making 3 meals a day, playing with the kids and working full time at the hospital, found some peace and relief with my continued exercise!

 Next, me and Amey went to Ahmedabad to drop Ansh for his annual Dussera break where he enjoys spending time with my parents and the Navratri revelry in Ahmedabad! We missed him dearly but tried to entertain Amey too by taking him out for his own Garba night here in Hyderabad!

Ansh then did his own mini duathalon, and was happy to start his own fitness journey!

Diwali we had a cracker free Diwali, where for the first time I made different kinds of snacks and savouries as a mark of celebration!

We saw Ansh transform from a kiddo to a carer and we see both of them mutually translate love!

As school introduces different concepts into teaching, I was challenged with dressing him for Mythological Halloween in the morning and Scary Halloween in the evening!

The guys even had their own Cricket Tournament at the gated community and were given trophies and medals as encouragement!

Twinning and how! Both love going to new places to eat , and we let them experiment with their palate!

As my father turned 60 this year we were lucky to quickly arrange a photo shoot with my grandfather also enjoying the process!

In between Surgeries and talks and organising conferences, I enjoy how I metamorphose and enjoy unleashing the full potentials of my brain!

As I baked my first cake for Christmas, my heart was filled with gratitude for the PTMs I could attend from work, the emergencies I would attend leaving from work, and the work I could attend with able carers for my kids!

We ended 2018, high on new friends made, new patients healed, new hearts touched, new relationships mended and new hopes in heart to develop love, compassion and resilience to all Life is bound to throw at us!

2019, we are ready to make more memories!