The Birthday Month!

Ok so I finish close to 4 decades of rotations around the Sun and Mom finishes close to 65 rotations around the sun! We share the same birthday and we changed from one Birthday Celebration when I was with them and then 2 birthday celebrations when I left home.

 Both us Leos have subtly been the power button of the house for a long time. Both of us have many things in common. 

We both are professionally dealing with Women and children (She a pediatrician and me a pediatric ophthalmologist), Both love Kerala Food, Both love the kajal(you will never find us without it), we both have loud laughters, we both love our sleep (we even sleep similarly with one hand under the head and one hand above the ear) and we both love wearing Sarees to work.

Pregnant Me with my mom. The Reason I could Breastfeed is her. 

1st to 7th August heralds Breastfeeding week.

 So I wanted to celebrate that along with my mom too. We have both fed our babies. 

Moms' breastfeeding was way more strenuous, unsupported than mine. She was doing Post Graduation in Pediatrics and had a very hard residency when I was around. So though they always had to advocate for Breast feeding she found very little support for her own Breastfeeding amongst the Night duties and Emergency Duties she had to do. Also add to that the bad food and horrible hostel living conditions. During her second child, there was a crisis at home with my Paternal Grandmother is her last days of life dying of Breast cancer, My Paternal Aunts first baby born a month earlier(she was in her maternal home so was with them then), she had a new private practice(opened in her pregnancy) and not enough money at home due to the financial burden of cancer and young professional careers. So she fed both as much as she could and shifted us both on Formula feeds. 

My Younger Brother ironically won "Healthy Baby Competition" in first year of life and so I thank Science that keeps babies alive and thriving on Formula Feeds.

My pregnancies came more planned. After my residencies, at a time when I could afford to eat well and stay in a good place. Also having supportive partner and tribe for the same was a blessing too.

As a mom, I have learnt a few things about Breastfeeding. 

    When I first became a mom with Ansh everything was so Overwhelming. The thought of giving milk from your own bosom was so strange to begin with. Though already a doctor and having read about things clinically, sharing a liquid coming out from your body with your child, who seems to innately know how to suck it is in itself a wonder. Always taught to be shy about breast and hide it with saree, dupatta or large dresses, you start unbuttoning and feeding your child in the most public of places, the public loos, the restaurants, cars, parking lots, hospitals, workplaces and even in the watch of your own staff and parents. 

Suddenly the shame collected over 30 years regarding your most private part has to be exposed quickly and offered to the tiny baby, howling and crying in your arms. The pain, the break in skin of the nipple, the blood coming from the nipple cracks, the painful utering contractions and resultant bleeding in the first few days of feeding the new born baby and the severely painful, hard and lumpy breasts become a blessing and a bane all at once.

     Suddenly your whole attention is on expressing, massaging, pumping and feeding a baby for almost 6 months for some or close to 3 years for others. The girl Me has to be somehow converted into MOM me and wear clothes that accesses the bra in a jiffy. all of those months that I fed my little ones I fed my attention always on my better 2 that served as the sole source of nutrition to my kiddos.

    Somehow I was advised to eat and drink things not according to my tongues taste but according to my kids tummy. Things that give gas, things considered pungent, things that are bitter or things that are high in sugar were to be avoided. Whether things were hard on my tummy or not was forgotten. Suddenly I felt so neglected by all. The inlaws, parents, friends and aquaintances were only worried about how is the baby or whether there is weight gain or whether the baby is passing motions, whether you have eaten or passed motions(iron induced constipation...yuk!) or whether you slept (atleast an hour straight) or whether you are blue. Its noone's fault, all mean well but most are not in that phase with you and so cant help it. 

    Plus no kidding a new born baby wrapped in a perfect bundle looks way more cuter than a bloated, pregnant, unkept, smelling lady with clothes that smell of blood, milk, sweat and fatigue at all times. 

    Also I ended up with Breast Abscess 3 months after my first one and had to be operated on suddenly due to a high risk of sepsis. Being sick yourself and Breastfeeding is the biggest challenge a mother faces. Breastfeeding feels like a marathon, draining you of energy completely. Add to that fever, pain in the incision site and leaking pus from the wound and you have a cocktail to feel like disaster. 

    During Second time around, I had many evenings which were "Witch Hours". For hours together my baby would not get off the breast. He would keep sucking and if detached from the breast would howl and bleat and be again attached to the breast. We had so many evenings where he was just attached to the breast and i would sit in the car with him to make him sleep. 

    So over the years of not having to be in that situation, I developed a kind of 

List for mothers who are breast feeding or are going to be breast feeding are: 

1. Invest in a good feeding bra, Nipple care cream, feeding pillow and feeding pads. These are all now your new accessories

 2. Take help. Be vocal about it. Build your team in those 9 months. The second time around I had a nanny who would help me with nursing and all the other baby care work.

 3. Get massages. With both the kids I had someone come to give me and the baby massages for almost 3 months. It relaxes the mind and body and makes you sleep better. 

4. Learn to let go of your screens. This will help you have quick feed and sleep as you wont be awake with the phones in your hand. 

5. Eat well. By well I mean good food, soups, fresh vegetables and fruits. You need the fibers for your bowels and need the healthy diet for your well being. hydrate a lot. I had developed a routine of drinking before starting feeding and drinking water again when ending feeding. Preferably have a flask of water near your bed at all times.

 6. Try to tell your Gynaecologist team and the nurses around about how you want to feed as soon as the baby is out. I wish I had a pic with my abdomen open and the nurse holding my second one at an odd angle to feed right on the OT table. You are under Anesthesia so not in pain, It is a joyous moment so the endorphins are high and the baby almost always innately knows how to suck. You avoid Neonatal Hypoglycemia, you develop a bond right away and you have the precious Colostrum flowing.

 7. Take pain control. It definitely helps to be pain free specially when you are in the first week of child birth. The breast feed will get established better when you are not troubled about pain.

 8. Try to get in a walk or exercise. That will help with body aches, digestion and also your mood. 

9. Advocate for you and your baby. Try to have healthy boundaries with people. Avoid Intrusive question, stop unnecessary calls and dont attend to unwanted visitors. This will add to make you feel Zen like and good vibrations means happy baby. Listen to meditation music or any upbeat music to feel better and avoid depressing thoughts. Journal or talk to your partner or loved one about how you feel.

 10. If you do not get breast milk, or cant cope with feeding, discuss the other options with your Doctor and if you dont have someone listening to you Dont shy from changing the provider.

 You Need to Do What's best for you finally. 

 Breast milk is Nectar but More precious is the "You" that you give to your baby. 

Don't let anyone steal away your spark! 

To help women who are breastfeeding, I always prioritized having a breastfeeding room in my Hospital.

 Also I routinely help women in the public if they need me to carry some luggage or hold the baby till they find a spot to feed. 

Also, I teach my kids to not stare at Breasts when people are feeding in the public, as these are now Food junctions and not Sexual Organs. 

Also listen to these new mommies. Let them Rant, Rave or Howl. Just be on the listening end. For this Whatsapp is superb as they can listen or read the messages when they have time. 

Dont call, dont drop in suddenly at their place.

 Best would be to leave a parcel or gift at the door and let them be. 

Offer to baby sit while she goes to a saloon or massage or for her just to sleep.

 This year's theme for the World Breastfeeding Week is 'Step Up For Breastfeeding: Educate and Support'. Lets all do our bit.

Darjeeling- The Queen of Hills

 In all these years of Travel, somehow never got a chance to go East. When we were young in the 90s the popular Tourist destinations were all in the North and then Goa. By early 2000s Kerala woke up to the Tourist boom and then became a popular destination too. But Northeast is picking up in the last 5 years. So this summer of 2022, we planned our first visit to West Bengal.

Also what you absorb at each age as you travel is very different. This trip came when I was at the fag end of exhaustion. I was too exhausted even to pack or get in the mood of Travel. Being the first Summer season of private practice there was lot of pressures with everyday Surgeries and OPD management. Luckily with my Partner who takes care of packing, travel planning and all I usually have to chill and enjoy the trip.

Our Flight from Hyderabad was delayed and so whenever travelling to the Northeast in Rains, keep in mind the delays because many places like Sikkim have a long travel from the Bagdogra Airport and they do not drive on the hills post 5pm. So keep a Plan B ready for the night stay at Bagdogra if you are reaching late. Luckily for us, Darjeeling is around 3 hours from Bagdogra and the travel up was uneventful except Amey's Severe Motion sickness. 

The first breath of the thin cool air itself cleansed away all the fatigue and freshened the mind for a good family adventure. We stopped on the way in a small cafe and were surprised by the spick and clean toilets. This was our experience throughout that everywhere in Darjeeling and surrounding the public toilets were kept very clean, a pleasant experience for travellers in India.

We reached the hotel and had a meal right away and were ready for bed. 

    The next day we ventured out after breakfast. The first Climb up on the slopy roads of Darjeeling is tough, but then in half a day we became used to the up and down streets and the narrow roads and the art of walking against the upcoming cars. With both the boys not making much fuss about the walking we reached the famous Padmaja Naidu Himalayan Zoo. 

    This is India's Highest Zoo where the Animals are kept in the open unlike behind cages. Some animals seen here are like Snow Leopard, huge Bears, Lemurs, Himalayan Blue Sheep, Barking Deer and big Tahrs (look like a combo between a deer and a huge cow, they climb on the mountains carrying their own 500kg weight too!) There are lots of Birds too like Parakeets, Macaws (very colourful ones) and Phesants. The entire place looks spacious and clean. From there we went to the Himalayan Mountaineering Institute. The tickets to the Zoo includes tickets to this institute and also Natural History Museum. 

The Mountaineering Institute has some adventure sports which all can participate in. Ziplining, rope walking and indoor mountain climbing or wall climbing. They celebrate the history of Himalayan Climbs vividly in The museum. Tenzing Norgay, a Nepali who was the first with Sir Edmund Hilary to climb the Everest is celebrated in this region. He gave a lot to India and also taught at this Mountaineering institute. The clothes they wore, the gear they too and an entire model of Himalayan Ranges from Karkhoram in the North, to Mansarovar in China and then the Nepali ranges of Annapurna and  Mt. Everest and ending with our Kanchejunga which is seen from Darjeeling is beautifully described and celebrated. 

Due to exhaustion we skipped the Natural History museum. We faced something like jet lag on our first day in Darjeeling with the temperature change from 40 degrees in Hyderabad to 18 degrees in Darjeeling. The street food is amazing in Darjeeling with tiny, beautiful cafes selling Maggi, Noodles, Manchurain, Momos and Chocolate Milk. 

Meri Wali Maggi

     

My husband called this Hongkong Style Street Food

Momos everywhere

    We stayed at Sinclairs Darjeeling which is a 3 star property. It is a good basic hotel with very courteous staff. The food was very good and they would cater to our pallet and suggest local specials too. With a library and Play Area they had enough to keep all busy. Savoring Freshly made Darjeeling Tea every time when we are in the room was our favorite memory. The walk to the Hotel was tough with an arduous steep slope, but we got used to that in a day too. We had a Kanchenjunga facing suite but due to dense fog it was impossible to get a darshan of the mighty mountains.

The next day we planned to take the Toy train ride, but were surprised to reach the station and not get  a tickets. So we booked for the next day and you can also book through www.irctc.in prior to when you go if you are travelling in peak season. 

In the Steam Engine Train

The Darjeeling-Ghum-Darjeeling is a 2 hour train ride to and from with halt at the Batasia Memorial Loop and Ghum Museum included. Darjeeling Himalayan Railways is the oldest Mountain Railway in the country. Still functioning Steam Engines give the authentic old era feel. The rail route runs parallel to the road which brings you to Darjeeling and so most of the way you see traffic running by and direct peak into  shops on the way. Most of the shops in Darjeeling are tiny little 6 by 6 feet some of them are right on the railway track and you feel you can almost snatch a banana from the shop! Ghum station is the highest railway station in India and they have a wonderful small museum there which depicts how the railways were built then in the 19th century. It makes you wonder if now transport is so tough, there it would have been so tough for the British Designers to stay and design and the sweat and blood of so many Indians would have made this possible! 

    Batasia Loop has a war memorial for all the Gorkha soldiers who lay down their life for the country. I felt a tinge of sadness there, as I was not aware of any one of these names, and so many young boys were killed in various missions named there. As a Bollywood version of the Army we feel there are only Sardars and never see Gurkhas in this Avatar on screen. There is a beautiful garden around and you are supposed to be able to see the mighty Himalayas from there, which we missed due to the weather. But this apart Batasia loop is an "Engineering Feat" From the highest station in Ghoom to the Way to Darjeeling there is steep fall in height of 140ft. If they had built a slant down it would have been impossible for this small trains to withstand the velocity and risk a fall. To over come this they planned a Loop around itself where the train in slow declivity or ascent loops through and and rejoins the same track through a tunnel. 

Batasia Loop: notice the height difference

Old Picture of the Batasia Loop

Our Foggy View

    We walked around to few temples there and one such temple was Mahakal temple. Really felt it is ancient since many Kaals. One of the first temples where I saw, krishna, ShriRam, Ganesh ji, Hanuman ji, Shiv ji and Gautam Buddha all worshipped in the same space. It is serene, peaceful and the multiple bells there make the experience even more serene!

The temple Flags

  Walking to the temple is a large city square where we managed to see a very old Bookstore.

 The kids bought Postcards and wrote to each set of Grandparents. We made them post that by going to the Darjeeling Post Office, simple pleasures long forgotten by us in the hustle bustle of busy city life and WhatsApp!

The shopping is fun in  Darjeeling too. Woolens, pants, Tibetan Jewellery and quaint looking tea pots and Darjeeling Tea
were my buys! In case you havent got woolens to this place, worry not as you will find lots in the mini markets. 

Tea Shops

The Mall Roads

The cafes in Darjeeling need a special mention. You feel time is stuck in the early 20th century. British architecture all around, quaint little cafes serving Darjeeling tea or coffee from Kalimpong. Glenary's is overcrowded but the rooftop restaurant is worth the wait. Also if you want quick bites then you can buy basket full of puffs and pastries and savour on the ground floor. Keventers a must visit for Softy styled icecreams! 

Savouring Icecreams at Keventer's

Glenary's

Roof top at Glenary's

Imagine a working space like this

Glenary's

If you or your friends can tolerate Hot Chillies, make sure to buy Dalley Chillies ready available in road side shops or buy Dalley Chilli sauce. We found it available at many places but also saw it for sale in Keventer's.

Another thing I noticed is that the local public is very hard working. You still see people bearing very heavy luggage on their heads and carrying luggage, gas cylinders or daily things for their shops. Lack of transport or rather Lack of roads for transport is very evident. Even on a very heavy rainy day all small kids with their cute raincoats and umbrellas walk to their schools and mother and child on their way to and from the schools or day cares is a common site. Another thing to notice is we saw a lot of old people in workplaces. At Restaurants, in shops or also the Library. They would easily be in their 60s but are fit and keep doing their work! The peace and joy on their face was evident too. The Mountain life surely makes them hardy and happy:)

Heavy Luggage on the Back

Old and Happy People in Workplaces

Some things I wish would change! The waste disposal was horrible. Every Hotel had made their own pile of waste and so much waste was seen lying on the streets. When asked the localite told that most of these hotels are owned by people outside Darjeeling who make no efforts to clean up or arrange for waste pickup. But I think as Individuals also people just threw plastic everywhere, maggi wrappers, chips packets and cold drink cans were seen thrown everywhere along the roads.

    Second is the awfully narrow roads. This is the first place where the receptionist particularly told us "It is 20 minutes by walk and 5 minutes by car but in this traffic it will take 2 hours by car, so better walk" We agreed with this and did not take the car anywhere in Darjeeling. We had nothing to complain as walking through beautiful cafes, old buildings, clock tower and tea gardens was a joy. 

Chalte Chalte

Benches kept on all roads

Clock Tower

But someone who has difficulty in walking or isn't well will definitely have to stay put in the room. There has to be some expansion of road for the same.

Overall it was an amazing trip and now we feel the boys are ready for more trips where they can walk around and develop an appetite for Local Food. Waiting to explore Sikkim on the next travels!

Made in Heaven

 It was a very thrilling and enwrapping series. So many things which were touched in the series that its takes time to assimilate it all.

the Homosexual relationship was a lesson in education for most of us. The importance of Love is Love and how we may have all misunderstood this and talked about it as an anomaly or laughed on Homo jokes at some time in life.  How Karan pangs for his childhood love through all his relationships and laments the lost years is so heart touching.

The complexity of Faiza's character is beautifully played by Kalki. The knowing that you cannot get what your heart desires but still enjoying the little escapades from reality has summed up relationship with a married man beautifully. The silent oppression that she faces from her ex husband and the present father(whom they dont show but whose character you already hate) somehow justifies her mental state. Though she is the "Other" one, you dont hate her at the end of the series

Adil Khanna is the prototype of the Rich and Famous Boys in Delhi. But they have humanised him and slowly peeled off the layers where you see the reality of his dilemmas. Though he seems to be falling for hot sex with the good looking ladies every now and then, his love for both women in his life is shown in many scenes. For his wife he feels he was her Knight in Shining Armour and for his Lover he feels he can make her happy and save her from the bad men in her life.

And then we have Tara. She dorns multiple shades in her character, where we can see she is groomed by her mother to be a " Gold Digger", how she cheats her way to becoming Adil's Wife and lives a life of the rich and pompous life of South Delhi. She is cheated by her husband and her best friends and how she ends up lonely on her bed almost every night is beautifully captured by the camera. How she loves the smell and sight of the Old Dilli ki galiyan and feels like a robot in the Rich Parties of the High and Mighty is aptly captured. How she is a great friend to Karan and seeing them Pining for each others company and fighting for each other is a wonderful example to Platonic Friendships.

The entire series shows so many things that are taken as passe in Indian Houses, that we recognize how many things we unsee and accept without guilt in the conscience in our routine lives. The drug addict brother, the girl earning for the family without the family bothering about how and where she works, the minor being molested by a royal king but accepting money offered by the would be daughter in law, knowing well along that it is her future father in law who is behind such heinous crimes. All for the sake of a hotel merger which is going to Change the lives of the royals. 

The acceptance of  the concept of Dowry demanded by the groom's parents by this apparent simple looking, IAS officer, who is miserly buying lowly gifts for all cousins as he is a government officer.  The way hush hush dowry is demanded at last minute and still adds to the misery of many Indian Parents even in the best of cities is depicted in this heart touching saga played by my favorite Shweta Tripathi

Another interesting tale is of 2 sardars. One whose wedding is one of the big ones of delhi where a big actor star is performing. His fiance ends up sleeping with this star and then starts the ruckus by the groom. He owns the hotel and so is furious. But he loves the girl and wants to hit the actor for goofing around with his girl. How Karan ends up convincing the to be bride to let go of all this and never reveal the truth for a long life forever is a wonderful example of how the Wedding planners need to think "Out of the box" and solve these crazy issues rising in marriages. 

Another Sardar tale is sadly seen too often even now in Punjab. The craze to reach Canada or America makes parents make their girls participate in Beauty contest kind of competition to win the NRI heart. How this girl who has big aspirations for a foreign life get emotionally shattered when she finds out that the Groom is impotent and she has been cheated into this but accepts it for the life of new dreams in a foreign land.

Another favourite is Deepthi Navals tale where we see 2 elderly but perfect together couple struggling for acceptance from their elder children. How the common slut shaming of the mother is done when she finds love once more. How her 30 years of loneliness are forgotten by the kids and how they turn around finally and take part in the perfect celebrations is heartening to see.

The craze of Wedding Tamasha that Indians have increasingly adapted has been shown very well. With never ending functions, dances, rave parties and to be brides over doing it all with theme parties, recording music videos and crying even if the colour of the flowers go wrong bring me back to the simple and intimate wedding that I had and the happiness we had when we looked into each other's eyes 10 years back!

The greed of parents who are politicians and are marrying off the daughter just so that their own political aspirations can be fulfilled is the true sage of hinterland of India. How the girl is drugged so that she doesn't resist this outrageous violation of Human rights melts our heart to the tragedy of many women's lives done knowingly by their own. How she escapes and marries outside the cast and how she has to give interview to save their lives brings us back to the reality of Honor Killing shown in Sairat long back.

Topics like the difficulty of Single Parenting is also touched upon by the character of the Production designer. Also another topic of significance is how even the best of educated, rich and mighty want to believe in Horoscopes even though they know that the Would be bride is adoped. Also shown here is how the best educated of us give in to the fear and follow silly traditions like marrying a Tree in this case for the safety of our partners. (The girl is shown as Wharton Graduate)

Another sensitive topic touched is How Homosexual men stay in closet for so long and hide their true self by staying in a normal heterosexual marriage with a child. The role played so well by Vinay Pathak is a winner. With hardly any lines to be said but just expressions that say it all. The role of his wife is also nuanced with the potrayal of a lady who keeps trying to loose weight (depicting the attempts to overcome the absence of action in their marriage)

At the end it is Karan's role which is the strongest. My favourites parts of this character were when he has to show false masculanity to bully his Boyfriend in school, his refusing to be party to his friend getting married to his gay partner, facing wrath of the police under the Section 377 and political mileage being taken in support of the same cause. 

Things I wish were not there was the constant smoking by all the protagonists. It was too much and unessential and it felt as if the directors were unsure of what to put in the pauses and so had to show smoke. 

All in all I cant wait to catch Season 2

A SUICIDE PACT

 

          Emergency Room, New Delhi, 2005: 20year old, brought dead. CPR going on since an hour. No chances seen. Goons standing outside. This guy is a local Goon and celebrated local politician. The Medical Officer and Nurse are tense. The security (Guard) has run away. An intern (Post MBBS) on duty is doing the CPR. The Goons outside are already shouting and breaking windows. With cold sweat running, the Medical officer decides that its better for the younger doctor to go ahead and face the music, otherwise they will kill this 50yr old Medical Officer. The crowd beats up all, breaks this Intern’s Nose and leaves all bleeding.

 

          General Surgeon, Kanpur, 2009: 45year old surgeon celebrated for his skills and given award by the National Surgeons Society and the Kanpur Medical college is operating a burst appendix on a 6year old. The child is sinking as is in severe septic shock, the BP in the OR goes unrecordable and child dies of cardiac arrest. All efforts fail to revive. The loss of a seemingly normal child is traumatic even for this Surgeon and weeping himself he gives the Horrific news to the family. Understandably, the shock, anger and sadness took over the family. The next day the front page news had photo of this doctor( with family-downloaded from Facebook) and had declared him a murderer. An FIR was charged to culpable homicide and the Doctor, his staff and Ot nurse were immediately arrested. The videos were repeatedly shown on all news channels. Information about his wife and children with their pictures were also openly shared in the footage. Days past and not much is known about what happened to the case and the doctor.

 

Ophthalmologist, U.P, 2006: A reputed institute, lauded for their charity work, treated thousands of blinding patients for free, Had a cluster of 10 eye infections(endophthalmitis) after free cataract surgery. The patients were operated for treating this infection (Vitrectomy) for no cost again but the infection was severe and the eye could not be salvaged. The Artificial implant was offered for cosmesis to these villagers, but some political people offered them help and advise and told them not to settle for “Stone Eye” They demanded “Eye for an Eye” and asked the doctor and staff to remove their eye and give to these patients (practically not possible as a surgery!)  Investigations had found that it was the saline used in the eyes that was at fault and the Drug Officer refused to file any chargesheet against the Drug supplier company. Finally, what happened in unknown. Last we know is the doctor left practice and the centre was closed. 

Ahmedabad, 2006:  Eminent Gynaecologist. Had Maternal death in hospital due to severe complications. The family was counselled from beginning that she has a lot of complications and pregnancy is very risky. Journalists got the news. Extortion of 2crores were demanded. Refusal to pay that would have meant, 1^st page News in the most prominent Newspaper. Bad press started. “Murderer Doctor” was the heading of the article. Money was borrowed from relatives and NRIs and arranged overnight. Bad Press stopped but scarred by this incidence the Doctor Couple closed the hospital and planned to immigrate abroad. Rest is again Unknown.

 

 

 

New Delhi, 2021: 2^nd wave of Covid at its peak. The Pediatric Ward at the Government hospital is full. A Child from a far off village has been brought with seizures to the emergency. The seizures are going on since 2 hours! Already expecting severe brain damage due to hypoxia the attendant pediatrician start anti- meds. The child was intubated and put on oxygen. The child suffers 2 cardiac arrests, revived and shifted to make shift ICU as everything is occupied by COVID. Has a 3^rd cardiac arrest and succumbs. The relatives go violent. Refuse to take the body. Contact a Media Television Network who is stationed there to cover COVID. The Doctor is caught by the collar and brought in front of the camera. He is spit on, slapped and finally assaulted by sticks. With no security in sight, the ward boy somehow convinces them to leave the doctor alone and saves his life. The alleged Crime is that the Doctor put a tube to the heart and stopped it! The young 20something doctor suffered subdural hemorrhage and suffered a seizure and had to undergo an emergency neurosurgery. What happened next is not known.

Different parts of the country. Repeated Narrative. What is the action plan for present and future doctors.

Will I face it? I don’t know. Will one of my friends face it? I don’t know! But actions we can take is this:

1.   Document Counselling by audio video method

2.   Communicate Good, Bad and Ugly to the Relatives

3.   In case of problems, contact Local Medical Association Bodies. Indian Medical Association (IMA), Or local speciality Bodies

4.   Do not get afraid of Bad Press. Nobody can destroy you with it. See people like Shilpa Shetty, Shweta Basu, Navjyot singh Sidhu, Vijay Mallya or George Bush. Tons of Bad Press, lots of allegations. They are breathing, surviving and thriving. Don’t Base your reputation over other’s judgement. This Too Shall Pass

5.   Talk to people and take help. This is a time where you have to keep a cool mind and take legal help. A good indemnity insurance is a must

6.   Hospital Insurance: Get your hospital insured against damage and take video recordings. CCTVs are must to have

7.   Treat Profession as a part of your life and not your whole life. Try to have other focuses. My 84year old grandfather was an LIC agent 25years back and he doesn’t even remember much about the job. Keep your work as a Doctor, Lawyer, Interior designer as a part of your identity and not the whole. You will not then have to lose your identity due to professional issues.

 

I have been there. I have judged my caliber, I have judged my judgement, I have labelled myself as a failure, I have questioned my existence. But all that keeps me going is the role I play as a friend, mother, wife, confidant and daughter. These roles will not have an alternative. Your patients will always have someone else for 2^nd opinion.

 

So I tell myself “Life is too precious to waste due to other’s judgement”

I wish things change, people change, politicians and journalists are not corrupt and the patients realize the best efforts put by doctors. Till the, dear Dr Archana Sharma, Sorry we failed you! Wish we could have told you “This too Shall Pass”

 

 

PORNOGRAPHY OF THE MIND

 Any content visual or audio or audiovisual created to scintillate sexual excitement is Pornography. For most of us 80s kids or even earlier the only sex ed that we receive is through stolen access to pornography. The teen mind that is hormonally active but socially suppressed found relief in the representation of these desire on the screen and found validation for the existence of these fantasies. From a child’s mind, you either see your parents arguing or buying veggies or getting together for a religious ceremony. Our parents would never even embrace in front of us, so when the fact of pleasure derived by these 2 individuals by an act that goes on between the sheets, the devasted mind laments the loss of innocence. You suddenly start question even Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy. Somehow you feel that your parents lied about everything before this as they didn’t feel you close enough to tell this most sacred secret!

The child’s mind is the most important marketing too for any industry. Sell Blue and Pink Concept, sell sugar high things by sportspersons (Coco Cola or Dairy Milk), Sell Things like Chocos and Loops (as Healthy alternatives to Roti!!) in a country known for Poha, Upma or Khakhra for breakfast. Sell exercise in the form of Aerobics (Jane Fonda), Zumba and now every one seems to be doing Pilates. For teenagers all kinds of health drinks, gaming portals and movies. 

Adults are marketed with luxurious cars, mobile phones or sports watches. There is jewelry, clothing and Makeup industry making millions in the world market and promoting consumerism on a daily basis. The homes that are being sold to us seem to have garden, fountains, sauna baths and tennis courts with completely air conditioned environments! This is like creating a fantasy but without any concern of environmental damage or impoverished neighborhoods surrounding these communities! 

Majority of the movies sell some unrealistic dreams like a girl with smooth straightened hair that always fly, the boy and girl are always worried about getting to hook up and the songs are all about vodka and hip thrusts. I have lived on this kind of content and have been brainwashed into thinking that that is the limitation of aspirations. Thankfully things are changing in the movies too, but now I fear the way violence is so normalized are we facing yet another challenge?

    Pornography on the other hand is not only using all tools of marketing but making the reality of a physical relation completely vanish by the depiction of quick acts of sexual pleasure. None of the women or men you will ever have a relation with, will look, talk or make love like what is shown. So, this unrealistic picture shown brings problems into the relationship for most. There are many couples I know who do not get arousal until they see porn, they do not like to look at each other and rather imagine the porn they saw, who don’t feel intimate but want to make movies of their act as they have seen only that as a context!

The illusion slowly but surely breaks. When this same child or teen, goes through studying for long hours, not getting time to wash the hair, having misunderstandings with partner or having issues with fertility, or has a new baby that changes the social life of the parents, how is one to cope. The romanticized life seen on movies and marketed as the end all of life goes away in a jiffy and what you end up feeling is defined as “Depression” The continued loss of a imagined dream with a fancy car, a man in a black Suits flying down from a helicopter and running to you with the perfect hair, a child who sits happily in your lap, a life with big houses and no hassles is replaced by your Out of shape partner, never ending EMIs, Diabetic parents getting sick, Children who don’t even sit well to pose for 1 annual picture and your flabby tummy making an appearance when you soap yourself in the bathroom. Sometimes you even have to face Real Life calamities like floods, earthquakes or Wars that destroy everything you ever possessed. You seem to fight about the mess in the house or the next big expenditure. 

So as a couple you feel you have failed every dream that was projected! The lack of good looks, tight abs, perfect clothes, perfect dinner and perfect sex life makes one feel like a failure. I have yet seen many people go through what was once defined as “Middle Life Crisis”! You buy more, spend more, consume more, drink more, try to experiment with drugs, or are always on the search for the new adrenaline rush or a new holiday! This replacement leaves one feel Empty when alone!

The reprogramming takes time. It happens after eons of thinking and spending time alone, that you realize that you have been INFLUENCED! You have been influenced into buying a dress, wearing a ring, spending on a holiday, drinking alcohol, smoking a joint, dancing and gyrating the hips or making sex with a Greek God/Goddess that gives Nirvana. And this realization is a tough one again. It feels akin to finding out your parents had sex and not just to conceive you but for pleasure too! You feel you have been cheated by the world. The Instagram, TikTok, Facebook has been built to carrying on this fantasy and so you find pre wedding ceremonies becoming like 10 Bollywood movies in one and people going all extravagant to again keep up with promoting Fantasy!

  Imagine if someone had marketed us reading Sanskrit, reading the Geeta, tips on making healthy conversation with kids, wholesome food cooking, sucking raw sugarcane, growing plants, taking care of farm animals or understanding our bodily needs and the preciousness of a healthy mental and physical relationship! We would have been an Emotionally Balanced and Intelligent Race with no crime rate.  

But this Utopian world just does not exist and so consuming things that have a positive impact on your mind and soul is the only way out. From someone who has consumed Bollywood and romanced SRK, I wish to become more mentally aware of my choices of things I consume- READ, SEE , PLAY OR FOLLOW and influence my mind Myself with things that are good for me and for the World we live in!

Women's Day or Not!

 

If You are a Homemaker, “You do Nothing”, If you are working, “You do nothing at Home”!

If you are a social media person, “You are too full of yourself”, if you are shy “You are Dumb” they said!

 

If you don’t Earn, You are dependent on the Man of the House, If you Earn, You don’t know how to manage the earnings!

 

Girls are sexualized and made to put lipsticks and shake their hips, and women are asexualized and treated like a vamp for making their desires known,

 

Size Zero or Size 20, decades are spent in getting the perfect figure by plenty,

The external layers of makeup hide the crying soul’s shrieks while remaining Dainty;

 

Purity and Impurity of a Woman is determined by the Day of the Month,

 a Man is pure even if he smokes, chews tobacco or is caught Molesting the woman,

 

The Birth of a 2^nd girl child is still a Taboo and less celebrated in many Households,

We See families collecting Money for dowry from the Girl’s age of One;

 

Just yesterday I saw a patient all of 2 months, abandoned in a hospital and brought by a state run orphanage,

When asked the Reason, The Answer was “A 3^rd girl was born in the family, so she was thrown off in rage!”

 

When we as Women judge a Precocious Teenager wearing a Small skirt and doubt her character,

Or see a Burkha clad Woman in a school and prejudge her to be dumb and judge her attire;

 

We praise the men in Politics for being brave and raging wars and we doubt the women politicians for sleeping their way up the ladder

 

We turn a blind eye to the domestic abuse heard or seen in our neighborhoods,

And teach our girls to be equal to the boys without ironing out the societal issues;

 

The Autowalas' stare or the Young Bike rider’s whistle, The Bus conductor’s Brush against your behind or the Pedestrian lurking away at your boobs

These are the known Devils which we happily face like its part of our job,

But its when Teachers, Priests or Tattoo walas abuse their powers when it irks the mob;

 

Being a Doctor, Journalist or a Pilot , I want to be known by my job and not the Adjective “Woman” to define it too.

All I want is an equal playground where Men play against Women in Tennis, Football or Cricket one day

Where no one is known as a “Female” Director, “Female” Doctor or a “Female” Cricketer to define how we slay

 

Words like Feminism and Female Empowerment mean nothing without the Basics set

As long as we divide houses and work zones according to the Gender, these are just Fancy Terms used for Etiquettes

 

The Power that I have with my Pen and my words,

 May there be a little boy sitting in a village, envisioning a Woman working in the fields as a Super Woman and a Man as a Homemaker too.

 

International Women’s Day Sensitizes us to the roles a Woman plays but it is when each day will be made Equal for all, when Physical wars and war lines will blur in the bay.