THE MALADIES OF HUMANITY

 

At the end of this year 2021, we are standing on a difficult and tumbling rock. The rock of peace, health, prosperity and niceness. Something I associated with human race. But the Rock is chipped, broken at many places and so is unsteady. May give away any day and tumble down the tall Mountain that it so pompously had climbed on!

 

So, there is the VIRUS. From COVID 2019 it is going on to 2022. When this whole thing had started, we had predicted that it would last for 5 years and then become endemic. And that’s what seems to be happening, sadly. But never had I imagined the scale of things going bad. Lockdowns, callousness of few, New drugs, Drug Mafias, New vaccines, New guidelines, Anti vaxxers. Schools and college systems in utter mess and close down of day cares and care centres. Panic of Increasing numbers and declining numbers euphoria seems constant with this coming 3^rd year of the Pandemic. In addition to this add a mix of politics, hate messages, confusion caused by oppositions, complete mixed messaging coming from WHO and Indian systems trying their best to cope with the Whatsapp falsities.

 

 

I have been extremely interested in the 19^th and 20^th century history, the build up to the World War II and the aftermath of the Grave mistake. Today’s world seems scaringly similar except the fact that now India is also on the Frontline of catastrophies unlike the 19^th and 20^th century where the country was just fighting its own freedom battle.

The land of opportunities, the land of dreams and the land of immigrants, the mighty USA has become a Mouth piece of Hate. The initial Rise of Anti Chinese Propoganda, now the rising Anti Semitism, Anti Islamist, the racist misdistribution of resources among the black and white Americans and the Rising Voice of the Anti Vaxxers make it hard to believe that we are in the 21^st century World. What is interesting is that it is not connected to one particular leader going from power or coming in power, it starts from down up, from the public to the power holder. It all feels eerily similar and scary. The world is caught by Hatred, suspicion, conspiracy theories, Cold Brutality and sadistic pleasures.

The Chinese and Russians the other superpowers are Quiet and discrete. We don’t know what they are doing and what is happening. New Zealand and Australia has decided to fight this by never ending Lockdowns. Rest of the Europe is dealing with Severe COVID fatigue. With Covid having rampaged Italy, Spain and UK, now the ever-cancelling holidays and severe financial losses are driving Europe to an acceptance of a never-ending battle.

 

 

We as Indians have fought hard. The applause to the Medical Fraternity got replaced by the Butcher image of this group due to Drug, Oxygen and Health supply shortages. The 2^nd wave showed at least one known person from every Indian family involved and suffering. Uncountable deaths, bodies lying heaped on pyres or just dropped into rivers for lack of Cremation spaces was very frightening to see. The C word became the dreadful word during the 2^nd wave where each one of us were just praying more and counting the few days of happiness with our family. It just felt like we were staying in bunkers to save ourselves from the bombs dropped by the enemies. This Constant Flight and Fright mode is still on!

We have had our share of phobias, from people, cast, race, sex, food, neighbors,  vaccines, medicines and lockdowns. Those who came from foreign shores were discriminated once, and still people I know of, who flew to places to get a vaccine shot from a foreign country because they believed that vaccine was better or the country they wanted to migrate to accepted only a particular vaccine.

 

Meanwhile the Indian Administration has tried its best to vaccinate as many as possible and for that I am thankful to the public too who took it up on themselves to take the shot. From a vegetable vendor to a businessman, whoever I ask has taken the shot. Without doubts and questions and Indians still believe in Science as much as they believe in God and for that I am thankful.

 

                                      

This dilemma of “To Help or Not”, “To talk about or not”, “To go for the wedding or not”, “To visit Ailing Grandparent or Not” “To send to school or not” I hope this end soon!

                       

                                    

In this difficult world of Hate and Blame, I am trying hard to teach my kids empathy, acceptance, love, sharing and peace. This is in the hope that the future generation, one by one, add stones to the rock and it stand mighty high for Human races to come.

 

 

#MENTALHEALTHAWARENESSDAY

10TH OCTOBER is celebrated Every year Globally as Mental Health Awareness Day. 

Is it enough that we have a day or a month dedicated to mental health awareness. 

We have entire industries dedicated to physical healthy, Zumba, strength and conditioning, yoga, weight training and the incessant Fat Loss and Fat to Fit Before and After pictures which continue to be bombarded on us on social media. 

What about emotions? Where are the answers to questions like. 

I am a child and finding it difficult to cope with online classes. What do I do? 

My grandfather died of Covid and now I cant close my eyes and sleep How do I cope? 

My mom is a front line worker and I am scared and Negative what do I do? I

 am feeling weepy and sad with my 3 month baby in hand what do I do? 

I am doing very well in my business, but I feel like ending my life and cant tell my wife, what do I do? 

Where are the tools that we need, the skill set that will help us through ups and down of life and tools to recognize diseases like Depression, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress, Manic- Depressive Disorders or Schizophrenia. 

 Though most of the school have counsellors, most of the companies have HR counsellors there is hardly any proper system in place. The schools still follow old systems like blame and punishment instead of empathy and professional help. The corporates with their continuous profit and loss calculations see these as a point to throw the person out of jobs. The industry with its ever increasing demand for productivity hardly halts and listens to someone suffering with Mental illnesses. 

There is strong stigma and hush hush ness about mental health.

 Here are some I faced about my blog earlier on Mental Health. 

A Random Doctor in a conference in front of a crowd after I finished my scientific talk on the podium : “Hey you are ok na…aaj kal you talking about Depression! (My talk was a scientific Ophthalmic talk in a National Conference) and In a Non chalant way he walks off.

  An older “Auntie”: Nowadays it’s a fashion to talk about Depression. You should have more children to not talk about depression 

A Doctor Colleague: You shouldn’t talk about such things. Your practice will decrease 

 A Hospital Administrator: Aaj kal kya baith ke likh rahi hai? ☹ 

 The triggers go on. 

And here I am sharing this blog to help people break at least 5 myths about Mental Health:

 1. IT IS A FEMALE PROBLEM:

 NO it isn’t. Though it is reported more in females, unfortunately there are more suicides reported in male and teenage boys. Unfortunately the society labels of Masculanity affect men in our society to shut up and not talk about it. 2020 I personally saw the loss of an ophthalmology colleague, a Microbiology colleague and ofcourse Sushant Singh Rajput, all males, all my age. 

 2. MENTAL HEALTH PATIENTS SHOULDN’T WORK: 

 There is no data to suggest that Mental Health issues affect working ability of an individual. Unemployment is a well-recognized risk factor for mental health problems, while returning to, or getting work is protective. A negative working environment may lead to physical and mental health problems, harmful use of substances or alcohol, absenteeism and lost productivity. Workplaces that promote mental health and support people with mental disorders are more likely to reduce absenteeism, increase productivity and benefit from associated economic gains. Also severe psychomotor disability falls under Disability Act. Article 27 of The UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (CRPD) provides a legally-binding global framework for promoting the rights of people with disabilities (including psychosocial disabilities). It recognizes that every person with a disability has the right to work, should be treated equally and not be discriminated against, and should be provided with support in the workplace. But Still inspite of this, I have seen more and more examples of people subtly removed from work and also gossiped among the colleagues and clients and smirked that “So and So was depressed!!!” 

 3. DEPRESSION IS A FANTASY OF THE RICH 

My maid’s sister was having a 6-month baby and tried to commit suicide by jumping in the lake. My driver’s brother committed suicide by drinking poison due to a failed love affair. A housekeeping staff, a lady, confessed to being addicted to alcohol as she felt so empty. Also a young man with the most successful business in the city and another young man who was a CEO of the Nifty 10 top companies committed suicide last year. So, the above statement is so far from truth. Depression among lower socio-economic strata is the hidden base of the iceberg. Due to poor accessibility, poor education and understanding of mental health, these are the ones most severely affected and causes the maximum tragic loss of lives. The high levels of addiction to smoking, alcohol and drugs in this strata inspite of poor affordability speaks volumes about the hidden burden of mental health illness. I have seen a young girl, hidden inside the house like an animal for 5 years. She was blind by nutritional deficiency cataract, had loss of all teeth due to poor hygiene and was unable to walk due to multiple fractures in the legs due to Vitamin D deficiency all at the young age of 22. The only reason cited by the mother is “She is Mad and I don’t want to have her burden” These are the severe forms of abuse metered by the caregivers of these mentally ill individuals.

 4. ALL DRUGS CAUSE SEDATION 

This is completely a myth. If well titrated and well managed the patient can do with minimal medications. Also none of the medications have severe sedation or any other long standing complications. Infact uncorrected Mental Health issues can cause severe Psychomotor Disabilities which can cause sedation or excessive sleep and lethargy that can affect schooling and living.

 5. Hey She Is Always Smiling, She Isn’t Depressed

 “Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho, Kya Gham hai jisko chupa rahe ho” This Old song is so true. Most times I have heard “Hey He was laughing, He did not look depressed” There is no depressed LOOK! Its Bollywood which make you feel that a depressed person will be alcoholic and singing sad songs.

 Infact Depression might happen to the most successful and happy people. Both Happy events and Sad events can be equal triggers for depression.

Manic-Depressive or Bipolar Disorders have typical high functional and Mania followed by severe Depression. 

 SAD and Depression is not the same. Sad can be a natural reaction to things like loss of jewellery, theft in the house or loss of a loved one.

 Depression is a chronic feeling of worthlessness, sadness and overwhelming negative thoughts. 

Usually, patients have over perfect coping capabilities and so can appear smiling, happy and leading perfect lives. But still Depressed when alone! This mere silent symptom of the disease is what is most dangerous for the patient. 

Depression does not need a trigger. Loss of Job, Loss of a family member, loss of a child can be a trigger which can spiral into depression but chronic Depression as a disease can happen without any triggers. The first attack might be post trigger but following attacks may happen without any Life Event. 

 So Do A favour and talk to your colleague, friend or parent or child to ask how they are “Really” Doing rather than just a casual “Sab Theek Na” which has no scope of Sab Not theek.

 And Yes, to reiterate, Don’t ever Say “Chal, Take a Break. Sab Theek Ho Jayega. Most of the illness are not self reparable or curable with So Called Breaks, infact they worsen more if you run away from them and don’t address it. 

So rather than suggesting someone to go on a break, Hold their hand and take them to Mental Health Professionals who will navigate this difficult journey for them. 

 And Last but not the least, I am writing this not because I am jobless, Sad, Suicidal, Negative or Depressed. I am writing this because I have understood that Mental illness is a life long battle, I have learnt Empathy to recognize and understand it in my friends, family, patients and colleagues and I have read, educated and really invested my Life into making an Inclusive world where Mental Health disease is taken with as much casual approach as Hypothyroidism amongst Young Indians Is. 

Of course I am not an expert by any means on this topic and this is my insight. Please reach out to national helplines if you are in dark place. Just Remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE

 Celebrate #WorldMentalHealthAwareness Day by taking one step to make yourself aware of this Important Issue.

The kids journey through the pandemic!

 

 

2020 brought something what we were all not ready for! We thought we were doing this, going there, achieving this and floating one way but that paused and took us by shock. The shock of stopping everything, all travel, all leisure, all fun and just protect you, your family and your community by staying at home.

Gourmet Kitchen was on in the Beginning of the Pandemic

                                   

Children earlier rejoiced by having parents and grandparents all at home. So did the Adults. We felt we could pause, cook great meals, learn new skills. But a month or two in it, we realized we need to continue to work to get the family going, do all the household work and continue to create ‘Fun’ for the kids. So there was the continuous bickering with the kids when they felt that the Parents were never around, as they were either taking care of the house, or doing Work from Home or making the next meal.

The need for kids to have the adults of the home around was a way to have at least some kind of consistency as the world around them came to a stop. So, they couldn’t go to the parks, schools, school bus, birthday parties anymore. They couldn’t see their friends anymore and felt as ‘stuck’ as we felt.

Unfortunately, the situation continued in 2021 too, with little hope of opening up of things with the dreadful second wave that hit India in March through June. Things became worse for them, as yet another Summer Holidays Plan got cancelled, Online Schooling started yet again after the Summers and they felt isolated and angry!

This is what I learnt so far:

1.       Let them Emote: its already difficult with so many things going on to have the emotions all pent up and deal with things on their own, Listening really helps. But be ready for Listening Non judgmentally. It might get dark and trigger you too, but try to neutrally listen and empathize with their situation.

Ups and Downs

A Rather Happy First Day of School as He will be Home!

A tough year ahead for this little Bub

This Breaks my heart but appreciate Human adaptability
Amey showing his work to his teacher online

2.       Be Present: Stop Multitasking. You cannot talk to them and chat on the mobile and have something on the stove and reply to your email all together. The kids need to know that you are wholly and solely present when they are talking to you. Have undivided attention is by itself a calming energy for them to be in.

Being PRESENT

3.       Change Rules

: We had a No Movie on Weekdays Rule before the Pandemic. This has been tweaked to accommodate entertainment into the Family Fun at least 2 days of the week too.

4.       Tough Decisions: One of the parents may have to take the tough decision of stepping down, cutting down work or reorganizing the work around the kids’ needs. With no Day cares or Nannies, parenting became a full-time job too. And Balancing everything might take a toll on you. I went ahead and opened my own Practice. That helped me find the right balance and also catapulted me to the next level professionally. 

Free Lancer Surgeon: Enjoying what I do

Owner of my own Practice during the Pandemic

5.       Meditate Together: This is something that has really helped all of us. Having found the inner silence and peace have made the kids also realize that they still have autonomy over that one constant and that is their inner silence. That will always calm them and that is one Life lesson that I hope will help us all.

6.       Recharge: Nothing good can come out of a discharged battery. Don’t fill too much on the platter as once you are drained you will become a bitter, resenting parent and that isn’t helping the situation.

One of my "Me Time" Places

7.       We will see them more Online: Accept, Understand and Learn. I learnt a lot of Roblox and Minecraft Games as I had my elder one loving those. And when I started accepting rather than resenting, I found him not going into the gaming- Rebel- more gaming and guilt cycle. No one enjoys guilt. So, making the child all the time guilty for something that gives him joy will end up confused about his emotions too. So, I found healthy ways to talk to him about addiction and making him feel ok about finishing his other tasks before he starts gaming. Also, most of these games are mind stimulating so come out of the conditioning that says Gaming Is Bad!

Our Obsession

Another Favourite: Kreekcraft

Our Offline Fun

8.       Couple Time: Being the provider for the elders and kids and workplaces most of the couples feel burnt out and it comes out as resentful energy towards each other. Find things to connect you. Journal about how to set boundaries on other things and make a window of time for you to connect. This can be even between best friends or partners. Making time for the most important relationships in your life will bring you Joy and peace.

Have Never Learnt to take our Alone Pic!

So, here’s hoping 2021 is fading away and bring a brighter 2022.

Peace and Joy!

 

 

The Apocalypse

 A mere spectator I am to the Dance of Death

Not Able to fathom if it’s mere Nightmare or A fact

Who is to blame all ask? OPTIMISM I say

Sometimes Gut instinct protects one when Pandemics are to play

No one who studied Virology with its many mutations said

NO ONE from the Physicians Bodies like mine expected that oxygen we need had

The system was numb when we walked past a naked girls body in the cold December night 

The system was flak when we downplayed Violence in the name of clean chits given left and right

The system was broken when we gave HealthCare in the hands of businessmen and Political Goons

I am ashamed,  broken and shocked,  by the lack of food or urinals or Healthcare Staff at most of the hard earned beds with oxygen too

Patients dying of starvation, infections and fluid overloads too as a system overwhelmed by the brokenness that opened a can of furore

What will be the turn, is it turning for the better

Noone knows as people now battle for a place to cremate their father

I am ashamed to be a Doctor, who trained to heal, without mere equipments whats the use of  international degrees that appeal

We have PhDs and double doctorates but nothing would work

In a broken system that has been shaken with a jerk

No motivational words or speeches will stand true in this hour

The truth has been told by the Pyres burning without a stop forever

Mask up as that alone seems to be abundant,  hide in your homes as the enemy is out

To take your loved ones lying recumbant

Live each day with Gratitude to the body who has been helping through the turmoils

Wish the last breath has not to be taken now, Not now when there is an apocalypse in our soil 

 

 

C for Corona

 

A new Decade came with Promises Galore,

We celebrated it at the Strike around the Globe;

 

Little did we know that the Chinese were suffering,

With sickness and death silently with a disease unknown in human beings;

 

It appeared very distant, it appeared impossible,

How can something there affect us all across the shores?

 

I almost cracked myself laughing, when few put on the masks,

Called it uncalled fear and was sure it would not last;

 

Then the spring came and brought colours of confusion,

The disease was spreading slowly and surely but we could mark and isolate those;

 

Then we shut down, blamed and punished those who brought the disease,

This tiny virus became a giant issue for all of us;

 

When lives were getting lost and mainly doctors died,

We thought we were the heroes and were ready to sacrifice our lives;

 

Somehow dying of the virus felt like dying for the motherland,

Martyrdom would justify it all, we heard some say!

 

Then came the winters and the cold brought some hope,

Dussera, Diwali and Pongal, we thought our Gods had pulled the rope;

 

It had run away from us,

and we were ready to make merry and shop;

 

But it returned and returned with a vengeance,

The vaccine or the medicine has fallen short for all of us;

We are at war, we are, the hospitals are overwhelmed with so many of us;

 

Near or afar, receiving calls for oxygen or hospital bed or a medicine that can save a soul,

We are divided in despair and united in love, with our helpless hands and hopeless eyes creating a hole;

 

As we yet again hide our tired faces behind more impermeable masks,

Our eyes are tired and weary of listening to stories every dusk;

 

It’s difficult to be hopeful and martyrdom is also not gleamy,

With each day of counting, common sense seems to be leaving us;

 

With “Role models” of the society posting pictures of beaches and sun and sand,

The “Real Models” of the Society, seem to battling challenges of control, administration and saving lives with all in their hand;

 

The police, doctors, nurses, and the administrative heads are the Heroes of the hour,

With so much to do, the media houses seem to be ready to blame and shout;

 

While we debate about the importance of opening gyms and schools,

There are cricket matches going on and the Holy Dips in the rivers seem to be optimum;

 

Some say the Liquor shops should be on even if the city sleeps,

It is opportune to questions how we justify addiction over the broken dreams;

 

Is it revenue, or is it lives, what do we prioritize is soon becoming a blur,

As we pray for all fighting the battle,

the lungs that have patches of memories the virus stirs;

 

 

The tired bodies and the broken defences that the body build for us,

Nothing will break the human race more than the battles that we ourselves fight against us!

When Things Go Wrong As they Sometimes Will, Rest If you Must But Don't You Quit

 

Today I write as a Woman Doctor for the Woman Doctor!

Don’t we all want it perfect? The perfect Childhood, the perfect University, the perfect Partner and Perfect Life.

The Ideation of Perfect changes with age. As a young Girl, I used to look and Princess Diana and imagine this Beautiful girl in the Palace, so happy and Privileged, little did we know the Darkness she saw in her life and also in her death. When this week moved on with the multiple debates about who’s right in the Meghan-Harry Reveal It All with Oprah Winfrey, I couldn’t help but stop and acknowledge the fact that no one Really has it All.

Early Years and Education

When we study in school things go in a linear fashion. It is year starting, then Mid term exams, Final Exams, Results and Next Year. Every Year a New School Teacher, New subjects to learn, new skills to hone and life goes on year after year. I found myself seamlessly flowing through all of school and Medical School too. Assessments after assessments make you focus and refocus on goals. You want to select your subjects, specialty, interests and duties in Medical School. Then write Pre-Postgraduation entrance exams and crack it to enter one more world with new set of goals to achieve. As this is going to be the chosen specialty for life, you spend more time in the library and learn the craft from senior doctors in the specialty. Yet again after this, some of us go on to super specialize and set goals for yet another exam to be cleared and craft to be learnt.

You are a Doctor

By the end of this endless race that appears like every few years you are passing the baton to an older version of yours, many a times you just end up feeling exhausted.

At the end of all my training, I found myself at the age where I had to marry and start a family too. When you have always for 2 decades skipped weddings, functions, vacations and festivals to study or do your duty or prepare for an exam, suddenly this multi-tasking between a new family (your married one) and new profession (where you are the junior most) is quite daunting, especially for a woman.

You don’t know whether to read about the difficult case in the clinic should be a priority, or marking your ovulation dates or draining about the difficulties with the in-laws to your husband should be your priority. As a new doctor your work hours are usually long, and so with the limited time at home you have loads on the head.

Marriage

I have had friends who married late. After they super specialize, they find themselves sitting in dates arranged by their very eager parents with a strange guy asking about their affairs, virginity and salary in that order. Some of my Guy friends have also experienced sheer horror when the bride-to-be have asked about the future investment required for a private practice in their specialty and whether they would be able to live without the guy’s parents being around all the time. Ophthalmologists are weighed less than the Orthopedic Surgeons, Surgeons are weighed more than the Physicians and Pediatricians look for Gynecologists partners in the Marriage Melas of the Medical Fraternities. So, your life path pivots and moves according to so called “demand”

Many a time, marriages come with the whole change of city. India being multilingual, that can demand a whole new language to be learnt. So here you are either in Post Graduate studies or Junior Doctor learning a whole new language without which you can just not develop a Doctor-Patient bond at work place. Talking with colleagues or bosses or nurses at the hospital will also require you to learn the language, otherwise this new workplace will become quite isolating.

I have come across few friends who after finished the entire postgraduate studies in India, got married and went to the USA where our medical degrees aren’t recognized. This leads one to again study, crack exams and many a times pivot your professional course or specialty to take what is available and stay in the same city as your spouse.

Infertility

Another shocking statistic is the rate of Infertility among women health care professionals. For the general population, the infertility risk is approximately 12.1% according to CDC data. Women around the world with infertility state that they are the 1 in 8.  As women in medicine, we have an INCREASED RISK of infertility. Our risk is 24.1% for infertility, which means that for women in medicine, ONE IN FOUR of us will struggle with infertility.

Now this leads to a down spiral of testing, trying, blood work, ultrasounds and labelling. Imagine this when you are the junior most doctor in the hospital. You don’t have a voice, you don’t have flexible hours and so almost everyone on the floor knows you are going through the fertility saga. Injection shots in between clinical rounds, ultrasounds in between overnight duties, blood work by your own colleagues is the way a female medico is going to go through this. Added to this is the constant bullying by the families who have forgotten that this woman is a doctor and advise her everything from jadi booti from some baba to even “special” positions.

So, you pivot once more. To adjust the schedule, to take a break, to reduce the stress levels and to have bed rest to conceive the kid you had dreamt of.

Many a times when all this fails, the woman feels like a failure. Here she is someone who has studied and excelled in all she has done and then THIS is when she feels her body has failed her. The self loathe, self-hate and sheer crumbling of the self esteem affects her marriage and career both.

Maternity Support or Lack of it

Though you will feel like the entire nation wants you to get pregnant, not a soul in your professional career wants to support this time. You will hear male colleagues smirk and joke about the vomiting, your colleagues will cringe that they might have to do more duties when you are on a “Break” and there is disaster to finances because most of the private hospitals do not have any paid maternity leave or maternity benefits support. I have also seen instances where the doctor on maternity leave has been unceremoniously replaced by another because the work has to go on. There are no corporate rules or laws to this and many women suffer from insult to their careers in this period.

For the lack of childcare support, a lot of women leave workforces till the child is 2 or 3 years of age to take care of the baby and home. Though in my mind this is the bravest decision someone can make, many a times it brings utter crisis in the mind of this woman who set one goal after the other and thought she has finally “arrived” in her career to be again unsettled by the pregnancies and tiny babies. There is pivoting yet again.

Divorce

Many women doctors go through the dreaded D of divorce. There is not one reason for this complex marital situation. It brings the additional burden of managing in the meagre salaries that doctors are paid (unlike the public perception) and the emotional well-being of the children. I have seen many doctors where their kids are waiting in the clinics or the operation theatres while mommies are doing their duty and saving lives. It is always heart wrenching to see that, but as humans we yet again pivot and do what we can do best in the given situation for us and our families.

I remember years back one of our known doctors. She was an anesthetist. Her husband suddenly expired overnight of cardiac arrest. At age 35 she was a widow and mother of a single daughter. This is 30 years back when the acceptance of single mothers was lesser in the society. She left her profession, got married again to a businessman in the US, who didn’t want her to work anymore. All those 3 decades of preparation to become a doctor were sacrificed for the well being of herself and her daughter.

Pandemic

The pandemic has created a crisis as none other.

With absent child support, kids at home, vulnerable elders unable to travel and the constant risk of getting COVID from patients in the hospital has created despair in many families.

In 2020 women in workforce study done in the US, as many as 2 million women have left corporate workforce in the pandemic. The situation here is similar with women forced to be at home to homeschool, or help with online classes or isolate the family from the physician husbands who are carrying higher risk of the COVID.

Many doctors have also gone ahead and sent their children away for more than a year now to their parents’ home to reduce the disease danger to these kids and carry on their hospital duties without kids at home. Bringing women back to the workforce as this pandemic relentlessly continues is going to be yet another challenge.

Life continues to throw challenges and the Woman doctor takes it all. Looking after the needs of the inlaws, parent teacher meetings of children, looking after ailing parents in far off cities, attending to the needs of her patients and doing overnight duties to come back and pack the tiffin boxes for her kids and kiss them good bye.

I write more about women doctors because I feel their journeys are unique. With studies, marriage, job changes and kids her life keeps pivoting and destinations keeps changing. She is many a times alone as changes in cities have left her feel uprooted, yet she tries her best to sink in deep and sing the song of inclusion.

As Sheryl Sandberg described in her book "Option B":

 “Let me fall if I must fall. The one I become will catch me.” Slowly,”

So, in this world, as everything around us keep changing, there is only one thing that is constant and that is Change.

Accepting Changes is challenging. But Accepting that Change is Constant is relieving.

 So as I cry on a day when I have had to shift my clinic appointments as I have to make my younger child attend his first Preprimary Classes online and the elder one requires assistance yet again for the online submissions,  I exhale and tell myself, “Yet another change and this will too be tackled”

What it takes

Dear Diary

There have been good and bad and ugly parts of you. Many times you reach a time and space where you understand what all you carry.

There are some episodes which stand out more than others.

But What is this life and What is the purpose? Since 2015 I have been on this quest.  I read and was always directed to somewhere higher. I know that Life as I know is a journey. When you see your little one thrive, come what may, you understand that Life is just about perception. The perception is yours only. How do you perceive a person , a thing, a situation. 

Ego: Your Friend

Are you acting our yourself or  from your Ego. What did you feel wrong about a particular situation? Your Ego is built to protect you. its your best friend and cushion. So it asks questions like "How could he say that to me" or " What does she think she is, demanding this from me?" But if you let your best friend know" I am ok. I will take care of this" in place, this friend will assist you by walking through the process of Action. Using this Ego for higher Good is the Goal. So now when I come to an "irritating" people or situations I silence this friend, and don't let it  ask pointless questions and ask "Ok. What's the plan now!"

The time for the inner dialogue will not come through the normal hustles and bustles. You need to find your quiet time where you just quieten the waves of your mind and then the answers will start appearing with much more clarity.

If I have understood one thing about myself it is that I need the quiet times to avoid burnout. In any of my work, house work, playing with kids, teaching them or spending time with husband or working in my career or doing surgeries I perform better when I am happier. Happier doesn't mean that I will be Blissful throughout the year. Happier just means that whatever the situation I have spend sometime everyday to self reflect and quieten to achieve my highest potential for that day.

A now usual Date with myself and my thoughts

Couple Time with hubby in our scrubs

When things go wrong as they sometimes will, Stop, bend your head to the supreme Power. Ask your questions to the Almighty and learn the lesson within. This can be a patient who shouted, a recipe that went bad, your child acting out a certain way or a surgery complications. Do not instantly Ask Questions because we know  that the muddled mind just gives the wrong answers. It will only tell you, " You are silly", "You are not good enough" ," You are not meant to be". Instead just ask forgiveness from the Supreme and listen for the guidance in the next few hours. 

Supreme Power: it is formless, shapeless but nevertheless IT Exists

Another lesson learnt is Do not take any Big Decisions in Highs or Lows. So extreme states make you take extreme decisions. Impulses like " Quit this Job" "Delete that Friend from your Contact list" "Leave a relationship" " Hit your child" Has to be stopped. Impulses do more harm than good. In urge of these impulses, write it down somewhere and just leave it. After 2 days, when things have gone quieter, revisit that page, if it still makes sense, go ahead and think over it. If it does not make sense: Just tear that page and burn it, because you do not want the Universe to listen. 

Gratitude:

Seeing through the Prism of Gratitude changes perspectives. When you feel " Why do I have to get up" "Why do I have to exercise" "Why cant I oversleep through the day" "Why cant the kids quiet down?", Seeing from a point of gratitude makes you think "Thank you for the work" "Thank you for the ability to Exercise" "Thank you for my breath" "Thank you for the opportunity to give my kids a roof over the head and a peaceful sleep" "Thank you for the activity and intelligence of my kids" Gratitude brings more to be grateful for. 

Gratitude

Your Gifts

My gifts are writing and communicating. My husbands' are being patient and forgiving. My father in laws are being true and honest in everything he does. My Mother in law's are to keep working for the good of the family come what may be the physical situation. Every person's skill set is different. Some talk better, some dress better, some workout better, some document better, some hustle better, some multitask better, some unifocus better. Yours doesn't have to be the clone of others. Throughout the school system we are taught to copy the same, clone the same, do the same and ultimately we are sub texted that we all have to be the same. So when we grow we are disappointed with ourselves by comparing with others. If someone sings we want to sing, if someone dances we want to dance, if someone plays tennis we want to play tennis. Deriving ambition from others is one thing, aping others is another. It will not serve you, as your passions do not lie there.

 You will be able to excel in things you are passionate about. And the world needs more Scientists, Mechanics, Salesmen, Bakers, Lawyers, Doctors, Politicians, Nurses and Engineers who are excelling in what they do rather than doing a mediocre job. Even if you are a beautician, do that Pedicure as best as you can. That will fulfil you more than your salary will.  Recognize your gifts and seed it, water it, show the sunshine and see the flowers bloom. Remove the weeds Aka things you rather not focus on, to lets these plants grow beautifully. 

Life's Flow

When things do not flow according to how and when you desire, take a step back and accept. It is not meant to be. Something Else is meant to be. This does not mean you give up easily. But it just means that you understand the pathways and turn your direction too. Otherwise you will walk straight into a deep valley. To know your terrain is very important for a hiker too. Listening to signals and signs from the Universe, needs you to be receptive. I was an excellent student, but when it was very important to perform in my Boards, I had a nervous breakdown and could not perform as per my potential. I felt shamed, humiliated and little. But today in hindsight, I wouldn't have gone to Pune, Found Myself, Discovered my highest potential, had passion to go through entrance exams for post grad and found my calling in the best eye institute in the world. And of course I wouldn't have married my best friend and had this life I see today. So Trust that Things roll in another direction as it is meant to be. Resistance will bring pain, acceptance will build Resilience.