MOMMY TO NO. 2!

MOMMY TO NO 2!

In about 2 weeks I am scheduled to deliver my second one!  It still feels surreal!

5 years back we had our first born. As any parent would attest, the first 3 years of his life were tough. The questions never end: Is he sleeping enough?,  is he sleeping more?, is the colour of the stools fine?, is the consistency ok? Is he getting enough nutrition? Is he getting enough attention? Is he getting too much attention? Is his temper tantrum pathological? Can he see ok? Can he hear ok? When by 3 all the physical and emotional milestones are achieved one settles into a better routine. We started seeing movies together, attempting more dinners and braving through weekend getaways and conference trips.

When we decided to go in for a second one, I was as hesitant as one would be while changing a cozy job. I was so much into my comfort zone that I didn’t think I would want to do it again! But slowly and surely we made a conscious decision that we would love to parent one more. We wanted to keep our reasons clear. 1. This child was not because we wanted our first one to have company. (We could have got a toy for that)There would be no burden on the child to be a constant entertainment or companion to our first one. I feel its cruel to ask that from another soul!

2. This child is not to compete or challenge our genetic pool. So he/she will not have the burden to be as good as the first one, as good as mom or dad. He/She will be an individual in his own standing and can become as good as he wants to be. He/She will be nurtured and cared irrespective of any perfections or imperfections!

So we are having this child only because we want to bring another soul into our loving world!

 

  

                                                       

How this pregnancy has been different?

Well I have surely felt more prepared this time around.

1.       Accepting the importance of allotting work: I suffered a lot with my first born as I wanted to do it all. That depletes you of your limited energy pools and you start getting irritable with seemingly harmless things. So I accepted help from inlaws, hubby, parents, friends and helpers.

2.       Eating proper and at right time: Maternity does discipline one. Eating the right kind of food at proper intervals and proper amounts makes one feel energetic and light throughout the day. So I left the old practices of eating late lunch, binge eating, eating late night and restricted the sudden sugar highs. It does help that my hormones don’t make me crave for any thing particular like a lot of women do experience. So I could manage to eat everything moderately.

3.       Importance of self love: As blasphemous as it may sound I have learnt the hard way what happens when one forgets to love oneself. So this time around I made sure to make out time for myself. I meditated to connect with my soul and drive the strength from my soul. To reinforce that I am powerful and have more energy than I would seem to have. Also an extention of self love was to pamper with massages, maternity clothes and weekend getaways.

4.       Take out time for each other: After child birth what I understood suffered most is the couple time. You always seem to be alternating in the duties and so together time decreases. Alternate bath, alternate dinners, alternate nappy changes and so I felt it is important to tell each other how we are planning to manage getting ‘us’ time inspite of taking care of the extra chores.

5.       Connecting the elder one: Now this was my goal no. 1 to begin with. I wanted the elder child to feel connected and a part of this journey. So we made sure he felt the first kick, he had a view of the growing belly, he saw the ultrasound images and was a part of the maternity shoot! Also, I seeked his help while lifting things or selecting  baby clothes, or washing his older stuff so that he equally awaited and felt responsible for the arrival of the new one.

6.       Work-life balance: Well my worry was that as a doctor I would lose work and time and patient care would suffer. I tried to manage that in the best possible way. So I made sure all the patients under my care were informed a month prior of my impending maternity break and all the referral doctors and colleagues were also informed well in advance about the alternative arrangements and how to reach me in case of emergency. This helped as most of my patients could see me and schedule an appointment for planned visits. Also I received a lot of love and best wishes from all of them which made my profession feel much more humane than before.

So in 2 weeks as I am about to enter a yet another beautiful and difficult phase of life, I pray that I stay connected to positivity and bask the little one in the warmth and care that I crave to give!

(P.S.: I know positivity attracts positivity and wish all the readers to send their bit of positivityJ)

NOTE TO MY CHILD

NOTE TO MY CHILD!

Dear Darling,

As you are soon going to be half way through your first ton, now is when we can talk heart to heart.

As a first time mom, I go through roller coaster of emotions as to how you would accept me as a parent, whether I will be good enough or make enough time for you!

You have given me the best days of my life and I treasure our heart to heart conversations!

Here are some things that I would like to tell you:

1.       Live light, live full: Life is not a competition, it is a journey. There are people on that journey with you. Throughout your life, people will keep changing and the change will make the journey lovely and interesting.

2.       Prioritise yourself: Enjoy with yourself. Love thinking quietly, sitting and day dreaming, plan your time with yourself, because you are going to be the constant one in your journey and its important to talk to your inner one!

3.       Dont get too caught up in negativities:  Dont have negative comparisons with anyone. Enjoy your own thing, try to give your best in what you do...be it dancing, singing, or writing an exam! Forget about failures...when you do your best you don’t fail with yourself. Negativities may pull you down, but make them your step up that escalator! The steps may come and go but you always move up an escalator! Make it an easy ride for yourself!

4.       Don’t expect a smooth ride: We are on a long, bumpy road. The destination isn’t known and so is not important. The road is surrounded by green trees and lovely flowers. Instead of getting affected by the bumps, try to enjoy the greens that is there all along. There WILL be Problems! I repeat, There WILL be problems, but working around them is the fun...much like solving a puzzle or a lego! You will realise later like I do now, that the problem solving teaches a lot.. so take it like a tough chapter in a book!

5.       Read a wonderful line today:  Be a good human being: there is a huge opportunity in this area and with very little competition. Me and your father, wouldn’t really care if you are a good engineer, doctor, artist or singer! Just define for yourself what a good human being would be...and try to inculcate the values you want! You don’t have to be all white or all black...a grey good human being is just as fine!

Love

Ma

The woman in me!

A time not so far ago, when I was a girl all of 4;

I saw my little brother for the first time, for the rest of my childhood he was my partner in crime,

No one told us to be aware of our genders then, but instinctively I liked the Barbies and he the, He-man!

At the age of 10, one hot afternoon, there was a special class organised at the school,

The girls of the class were taken to a separate room and shown a bloody video with a sample of free tampons!

We hid it in our pockets and tiptoed back to the class, with the boys hushing their voices and sniggering at us!

This is when it dawned on me that I am meant to be a woman!

At the age of 14, I had my first crush; the scent of the rose, the giggles of stolen glances gave a rush;

The boy of my dreams walked to me and said “Loose some weight and then we shall date!’’

The girl in me came crushing down, spiralling in a dizzy spin of my own humdrum!

The teens were nauseating, with confused identities and low self esteem;

Parents encouraged ‘’Let your mind rule over your body!, But the heart said I don’t fit’, nobody cares!

That is when I found toughest to be a woman!

The beautiful 20s came, I entered medical school; gender bias was thrown in the bin;

We were equal, dissecting human bodies alike; prepared the same chemicals and took case histories with the same voice

I found my man, we formed a team and took things in the same stride!

We educated women in the community about breast self examination, taught about contraception, child birth and menopause; the men never cringed and the women never shied; It was an ideal way to live, yay to medical school!

The knowledge about women abuse and gender preference became stronger and the woman in me became a feminist and fought against the societal horrors!

Marriage and child came along the journey, the joys of nurturing sang a whole different story,

The cuddles, and giggles filled my bosom; there was more and more love that flew out of my heart every autumn!

As society orders; cover the head, wear the anklet, make rounder chapattis and put your work on the backseat;

 the man with me celebrates the woman in me, and says feed my mind not the mouth! Climb as high as you want and I will hold the ground!

Today as a mother, wife, friend, confidante, teacher, healer, and doctor,  I celebrate the fact that I was made a woman; a lover, a fighter, a protector and a carer;

 My roles are many and my hands are full; May I be reborn each birth as a woman!

We can have it all!

On a regular basis, I am in contact with a lot of young men and women, those who are in similar life condition like I am. Finished studying, married, with young children, difficult family situations and rising careers. And I see men and women go through a crisis situation where they are doing things out of compulsion, family pressures and society...and then they sit and wonder 'Can I have it All?'

We are all driven off energies, wasted by the end of the day. Most of them drained due to this question and the cycle of guilt, anger, frustration taints a lot of young minds and they feel aged at 30!

A lot of self introspection, meditation and spirituality has taken shape into this piece of blog today.

The problem solving has to begin with the right question. What is the 'ALL' that you want. Why we remain so vested in finding the ALL instead of defining for yourself. You see a successful business woman, a banker, a CEO or a successful doctor and in your brain that is fed by the definition of ALL. So you want to be loved and famous for what you do. But the problem is we invest our happiness into it and make ourselves dependent on it for being happy. 

We forget that we are responsible for our happiness and not a person, thing, position or object. So when our child behaves well we are happy, when he does not we are irritable and sad. When work is good we are happy and we diffuse if we have a tough boss, situation or colleagues. Similarly, when everyday the spouse or inlaws are good we fail to acknowledge and one wrong move and our internal being breaks down and shreds apart the relationship. 

This is where lies the problem. Like in a case study or analysis, there are multiple factors that are looked into to find the conclusion, similarly for each day's analysis, we should not conclude before we put all the multiple factors together.

When we start adsorbing the positives the overall analysis will become positive. So when in a difficult work situation, think of the good colleagues and supportive family. In a difficult family situation, think of the past relationships that have made you this strong and how you have good friends and neighbours to tackle difficult situations. The attraction to positivity will make things bend towards positivity. Its not going to make a sick child better, or give you a promotion or make your spouse less mad at you. What it will do is make you reason things better and give happiness.

So next time when you ask yourself ''Can I Have It All?''...reply to yourself, Yes, I can have it all, loving parents, siblings, spouse, children, family, house, tea in the evenings, walk in the park, appreciation of the colours and sounds of nature, a wonderful dream job, love and respect for doing the right in life. You can Have It All...Just Define the ALL for yourself!