2023 IS officially the most Important Growth year for me. 1983 to 2023! a Freaking 40 yrs of existence! More important to my growth journey than any other year!
They say when you have to leap, you have severe pain, self doubt, displeasure, discomfort and had all of that this year.
This year tested what I wanted, what I treasured, what I can and cant become and I realised the answers to all those questions dont need to be same.
I realised that the brain makes you think numerous things when you are awake and dream a million things when you are asleep and all that necessarily will not make true sense and may not be the Best for you!
When you quieten the noise and pull out a paper and write you realities it helps you think better.
Another thing I had to go through this year is to be in the pain and let it pass. No amount of distracting or running away helps. Infact the more you run, the more it follows. Pain is temporary and joy is too. What is important is to enjoy the ordinary. Like breathing the cool breeze, feeling the sunlight on you skin, taste of pure water and the grass under your feet. These are realities of life that will not change, however much your circumstances change. A person jailed in a high security Jail or a person sitting on the 35th floor of a high rise Office will feel both these things equally. Sometimes the prisoner in the jail may know the value of the simple pleasures and will be in more joy than the New York Banker in his office!
Also this year made me learn Patience! All throughout my life until now, I pretty much Got What I Wanted. I had to work hard for it but then the result always was a given! Like my College Degree, the Postgraduation, the surgical feats, the talks in conferences, the life partner I wanted, the kids when and how many I wanted! Everything was planned and everything was always given! But this year I had to learn to accept the Non Controllables in life. To Surrender. To Wait. To learn. To reinvent. To retouch Base. Many things are NOT Given to Save YOU! and You dont have the wisdom then like HE does. So to smile and look back with gratitude at things NOT GIVEN is a Big learn!
I learnt to Organize my thoughts and My Life! Learnt How Regular Chores can also be your biggest Giftset. Recognize what helps you be your core self and keep doing that. Like I learnt, I Love walks by myself in the sun, I like nice music in the car when I drive, I like to drive, I like to exercise, I like to talk to people and smile and I like to organize drawers, rooms, clothes, clean off dust and generally tidy things.
What I don't like is to listen to sermon like podcasts, the 5 things to do list, the quick fixes or the never ending reels of instagram! These are energy suckers and don't help in the long run as it does not percolate into the gray matter!
I Loved to see my kids grow this year! And I so them blossom. Both of them have their own core qualities which I am grateful to be a witness of. How each one has their core strengths which if given a chance to cultivate they do it themselves! I Listened and listened and listened and with that I learnt to let go!
The elder one is innately patient, hardworking and everyone Doer. The younger one is innately smart, observant and want to give a helping hand at everything. These God Given gifts to help them recognise and cultivate is what Is my task! I love being a Mother this year! Seeing them learn independence but still crave for dependence was difficult to see. I worry when self doubt and self hatred creeps into their worlds but these are thorns and weeds which they will learn to pluck out slowly as I still learn to pluck out mine!
Also this is the year that I learnt to modify my palate and have a healthier relationship with food. with no short term goal but only long term goals to have more healthier lives for the everyday is what I aim. So replacing carbs with proteins, replacing masalas with salt and pepper, enjoying the taste of curd and letting go of that severe sugar cravings is what this is turning out to be!
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Hoping to cultivate more of that in the coming years! 40s here I come!
