A Birthday Gift!!
Next week I turn 35! I feel it
is a remarkable milestone! By this age you can sift pebbles from sand, choose
good from bad and know your goals in life pretty well.
For a doctor it’s a good age,
because you are always known as junior or young doctor so it makes you feel
young, and you are not a newcomer so you feel old and mature enough to take
risks in everyday practice.
This year has been amazing for
me. Since last 3years I have been on a personal self discovery journey. I had
got lost in the last 30 years achieving goals set by others, following paths
made by others and trying to please people who weren’t going to be pleased even
if I shed blood or flesh. So I ended up feeling burnt, empty, tired, restless
and in general low of happiness to give happiness.
Compare this to a game and
what do you do? You search for cheat codes, discuss with friends on how to
start winning and basically change strategies. That’s what I did. My best
friend (read Hubby) made me see the shine of the sun and luster of the moon. He
made me smell the flowers and feel the grass and essentially made me change
strategies.
The lessons learnt were as
follows:
This helped
me immensely.
As
Women/wives/mothers or daughters we tend to give continuously inspite of being
empty. For example, stand and make food inspite of being dead tired, eat last
and eat some remains, go extra mile to buy things from crowded areas to get the
best, listen and fulfill demands of each and every member of the family and not
know what makes you happy. This isn’t all bad if this makes you happy, but if
it doesn’t let go and restrategise. So I demanded help when I needed, said I
cant do it when I sensed I cant and made time for things that give me pleasure
like talking, playing with the boys and less for filling grocery bags and
sifting for best quality of wheat in the market. Thankfully I took the help of apps
like Bigbasket, Amazon, Swiggy or the local kirana guy for last minute demands.
Also work
makes me immensely happy. I understood that if I keep demanding I will end up
feeling let down and unhappy which defeats the entire purpose of working. So I
let loose, worked hard, gave an extra leg and talked to colleagues and patients
more and more. And Lo and Behold it translated into more work and happiness. I
understood that work as a doctor is understanding soft skills as much as
surgical skills, knowing marketing strategies and being a good manager too.
2.
The Boys!!!
I am
blessed to be with 3 boys.
The elder one
is a giver. He just wants me to be on the receiving end, which I was not many a
times. I used to shut down more than receive but I learnt to receive love,
affection, support and advise always and that helped.
The second one, was a tough cookie. He is growing
enough to have temper and not grown enough to want attention and help. I read
books, worked on keeping patience and give him space to explore and have my
arms spread to receive when he wanted me.
Also I saw him as a nurturer with my younger one. To see their souls connect was the biggest gift for this year!
Also I saw him as a nurturer with my younger one. To see their souls connect was the biggest gift for this year!
The third one, required me to nurture and thrive for
the first 6 months and now we can see him develop his independence.
I delivered him exactly a year back and I made sure I
fed him as much I could against all odds in my hospital(just before I had to go
for my patients’ surgeries), in my pediatricians opd, in the car (while on
patient visits to other hospitals) in conference halls (in international
conference before my talk), in hotels, in a spa (for the lack of a feeding room
in a restaurant) parking lots(when no rooms anywhere), gardens (when out with
the elder one) and in flights and airports and dingy and dark places too!
Against all odds I found my strength and the will to
take a step ahead for my little one! With him I learnt how to fall in love again,
how to enjoy the little moments like first solid, first step, first kiss and
toothless smiles like I did 6 years back. He is the least judgemental, spreads
chatter and laughter in abandon and has completely changed the dynamics of the
family! We each have a heart beating outside us and are extremely protective
about the littlest one.
3.
Friends are family and family are friends!
I knew it
in my heart but took long to realize that I love socializing, sharing and
learning from human interactions. I have lot of friends but it takes a lot of
effort in this day and age to take out time for friendships. But I managed much
better this year. I arranged for people to see our new house and new kidJ and made sure to invite and visit people I love.
With this I
taught my elder one to organize socials too and mingle and play with others
too. Also this year was extra special as my brother found his love too and we
met, embraced and connected more than ever.
4.
Live healthy
This year I found something about myself that I never knew. I enrolled
myself for a marathon training program and discovered the joys of exercise.
The ability of mind and body to flex and release pent up stress
liberates you and pushes your body into recycling again to get to your core and
release your best. I discovered the joy of eating more mixed grains. So oats,
ragi, quinoa and proteins for healthy portion of eating is what I learnt. Also
fresh fruits and the energy bubbles released through them is what made me feel
more energetic and lighter. Fluids in more amount do help to release toxins and
out natural antioxidants will be what will keep you younger at mind.
5.
YOLO
This millennial concept caught on with me. This year I saw lot of near
ones suddenly get engulfed in illnesses and health issues. And I felt there is
more need than ever to be available as a healthy and happy parent for my two
boys. So I laughed like never before, danced with abandon and worked hard like
a jack ass.
Happy 35th inner Aloka. I love you most than all!
(PS:Well
this year was also a milestone and coloured my graying hair for the first time
too!!!hopefully not to be labeled as mid life crisis!!!)
