A SUICIDE PACT

 

          Emergency Room, New Delhi, 2005: 20year old, brought dead. CPR going on since an hour. No chances seen. Goons standing outside. This guy is a local Goon and celebrated local politician. The Medical Officer and Nurse are tense. The security (Guard) has run away. An intern (Post MBBS) on duty is doing the CPR. The Goons outside are already shouting and breaking windows. With cold sweat running, the Medical officer decides that its better for the younger doctor to go ahead and face the music, otherwise they will kill this 50yr old Medical Officer. The crowd beats up all, breaks this Intern’s Nose and leaves all bleeding.

 

          General Surgeon, Kanpur, 2009: 45year old surgeon celebrated for his skills and given award by the National Surgeons Society and the Kanpur Medical college is operating a burst appendix on a 6year old. The child is sinking as is in severe septic shock, the BP in the OR goes unrecordable and child dies of cardiac arrest. All efforts fail to revive. The loss of a seemingly normal child is traumatic even for this Surgeon and weeping himself he gives the Horrific news to the family. Understandably, the shock, anger and sadness took over the family. The next day the front page news had photo of this doctor( with family-downloaded from Facebook) and had declared him a murderer. An FIR was charged to culpable homicide and the Doctor, his staff and Ot nurse were immediately arrested. The videos were repeatedly shown on all news channels. Information about his wife and children with their pictures were also openly shared in the footage. Days past and not much is known about what happened to the case and the doctor.

 

Ophthalmologist, U.P, 2006: A reputed institute, lauded for their charity work, treated thousands of blinding patients for free, Had a cluster of 10 eye infections(endophthalmitis) after free cataract surgery. The patients were operated for treating this infection (Vitrectomy) for no cost again but the infection was severe and the eye could not be salvaged. The Artificial implant was offered for cosmesis to these villagers, but some political people offered them help and advise and told them not to settle for “Stone Eye” They demanded “Eye for an Eye” and asked the doctor and staff to remove their eye and give to these patients (practically not possible as a surgery!)  Investigations had found that it was the saline used in the eyes that was at fault and the Drug Officer refused to file any chargesheet against the Drug supplier company. Finally, what happened in unknown. Last we know is the doctor left practice and the centre was closed. 

Ahmedabad, 2006:  Eminent Gynaecologist. Had Maternal death in hospital due to severe complications. The family was counselled from beginning that she has a lot of complications and pregnancy is very risky. Journalists got the news. Extortion of 2crores were demanded. Refusal to pay that would have meant, 1^st page News in the most prominent Newspaper. Bad press started. “Murderer Doctor” was the heading of the article. Money was borrowed from relatives and NRIs and arranged overnight. Bad Press stopped but scarred by this incidence the Doctor Couple closed the hospital and planned to immigrate abroad. Rest is again Unknown.

 

 

 

New Delhi, 2021: 2^nd wave of Covid at its peak. The Pediatric Ward at the Government hospital is full. A Child from a far off village has been brought with seizures to the emergency. The seizures are going on since 2 hours! Already expecting severe brain damage due to hypoxia the attendant pediatrician start anti- meds. The child was intubated and put on oxygen. The child suffers 2 cardiac arrests, revived and shifted to make shift ICU as everything is occupied by COVID. Has a 3^rd cardiac arrest and succumbs. The relatives go violent. Refuse to take the body. Contact a Media Television Network who is stationed there to cover COVID. The Doctor is caught by the collar and brought in front of the camera. He is spit on, slapped and finally assaulted by sticks. With no security in sight, the ward boy somehow convinces them to leave the doctor alone and saves his life. The alleged Crime is that the Doctor put a tube to the heart and stopped it! The young 20something doctor suffered subdural hemorrhage and suffered a seizure and had to undergo an emergency neurosurgery. What happened next is not known.

Different parts of the country. Repeated Narrative. What is the action plan for present and future doctors.

Will I face it? I don’t know. Will one of my friends face it? I don’t know! But actions we can take is this:

1.   Document Counselling by audio video method

2.   Communicate Good, Bad and Ugly to the Relatives

3.   In case of problems, contact Local Medical Association Bodies. Indian Medical Association (IMA), Or local speciality Bodies

4.   Do not get afraid of Bad Press. Nobody can destroy you with it. See people like Shilpa Shetty, Shweta Basu, Navjyot singh Sidhu, Vijay Mallya or George Bush. Tons of Bad Press, lots of allegations. They are breathing, surviving and thriving. Don’t Base your reputation over other’s judgement. This Too Shall Pass

5.   Talk to people and take help. This is a time where you have to keep a cool mind and take legal help. A good indemnity insurance is a must

6.   Hospital Insurance: Get your hospital insured against damage and take video recordings. CCTVs are must to have

7.   Treat Profession as a part of your life and not your whole life. Try to have other focuses. My 84year old grandfather was an LIC agent 25years back and he doesn’t even remember much about the job. Keep your work as a Doctor, Lawyer, Interior designer as a part of your identity and not the whole. You will not then have to lose your identity due to professional issues.

 

I have been there. I have judged my caliber, I have judged my judgement, I have labelled myself as a failure, I have questioned my existence. But all that keeps me going is the role I play as a friend, mother, wife, confidant and daughter. These roles will not have an alternative. Your patients will always have someone else for 2^nd opinion.

 

So I tell myself “Life is too precious to waste due to other’s judgement”

I wish things change, people change, politicians and journalists are not corrupt and the patients realize the best efforts put by doctors. Till the, dear Dr Archana Sharma, Sorry we failed you! Wish we could have told you “This too Shall Pass”

 

 

PORNOGRAPHY OF THE MIND

 Any content visual or audio or audiovisual created to scintillate sexual excitement is Pornography. For most of us 80s kids or even earlier the only sex ed that we receive is through stolen access to pornography. The teen mind that is hormonally active but socially suppressed found relief in the representation of these desire on the screen and found validation for the existence of these fantasies. From a child’s mind, you either see your parents arguing or buying veggies or getting together for a religious ceremony. Our parents would never even embrace in front of us, so when the fact of pleasure derived by these 2 individuals by an act that goes on between the sheets, the devasted mind laments the loss of innocence. You suddenly start question even Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy. Somehow you feel that your parents lied about everything before this as they didn’t feel you close enough to tell this most sacred secret!

The child’s mind is the most important marketing too for any industry. Sell Blue and Pink Concept, sell sugar high things by sportspersons (Coco Cola or Dairy Milk), Sell Things like Chocos and Loops (as Healthy alternatives to Roti!!) in a country known for Poha, Upma or Khakhra for breakfast. Sell exercise in the form of Aerobics (Jane Fonda), Zumba and now every one seems to be doing Pilates. For teenagers all kinds of health drinks, gaming portals and movies. 

Adults are marketed with luxurious cars, mobile phones or sports watches. There is jewelry, clothing and Makeup industry making millions in the world market and promoting consumerism on a daily basis. The homes that are being sold to us seem to have garden, fountains, sauna baths and tennis courts with completely air conditioned environments! This is like creating a fantasy but without any concern of environmental damage or impoverished neighborhoods surrounding these communities! 

Majority of the movies sell some unrealistic dreams like a girl with smooth straightened hair that always fly, the boy and girl are always worried about getting to hook up and the songs are all about vodka and hip thrusts. I have lived on this kind of content and have been brainwashed into thinking that that is the limitation of aspirations. Thankfully things are changing in the movies too, but now I fear the way violence is so normalized are we facing yet another challenge?

    Pornography on the other hand is not only using all tools of marketing but making the reality of a physical relation completely vanish by the depiction of quick acts of sexual pleasure. None of the women or men you will ever have a relation with, will look, talk or make love like what is shown. So, this unrealistic picture shown brings problems into the relationship for most. There are many couples I know who do not get arousal until they see porn, they do not like to look at each other and rather imagine the porn they saw, who don’t feel intimate but want to make movies of their act as they have seen only that as a context!

The illusion slowly but surely breaks. When this same child or teen, goes through studying for long hours, not getting time to wash the hair, having misunderstandings with partner or having issues with fertility, or has a new baby that changes the social life of the parents, how is one to cope. The romanticized life seen on movies and marketed as the end all of life goes away in a jiffy and what you end up feeling is defined as “Depression” The continued loss of a imagined dream with a fancy car, a man in a black Suits flying down from a helicopter and running to you with the perfect hair, a child who sits happily in your lap, a life with big houses and no hassles is replaced by your Out of shape partner, never ending EMIs, Diabetic parents getting sick, Children who don’t even sit well to pose for 1 annual picture and your flabby tummy making an appearance when you soap yourself in the bathroom. Sometimes you even have to face Real Life calamities like floods, earthquakes or Wars that destroy everything you ever possessed. You seem to fight about the mess in the house or the next big expenditure. 

So as a couple you feel you have failed every dream that was projected! The lack of good looks, tight abs, perfect clothes, perfect dinner and perfect sex life makes one feel like a failure. I have yet seen many people go through what was once defined as “Middle Life Crisis”! You buy more, spend more, consume more, drink more, try to experiment with drugs, or are always on the search for the new adrenaline rush or a new holiday! This replacement leaves one feel Empty when alone!

The reprogramming takes time. It happens after eons of thinking and spending time alone, that you realize that you have been INFLUENCED! You have been influenced into buying a dress, wearing a ring, spending on a holiday, drinking alcohol, smoking a joint, dancing and gyrating the hips or making sex with a Greek God/Goddess that gives Nirvana. And this realization is a tough one again. It feels akin to finding out your parents had sex and not just to conceive you but for pleasure too! You feel you have been cheated by the world. The Instagram, TikTok, Facebook has been built to carrying on this fantasy and so you find pre wedding ceremonies becoming like 10 Bollywood movies in one and people going all extravagant to again keep up with promoting Fantasy!

  Imagine if someone had marketed us reading Sanskrit, reading the Geeta, tips on making healthy conversation with kids, wholesome food cooking, sucking raw sugarcane, growing plants, taking care of farm animals or understanding our bodily needs and the preciousness of a healthy mental and physical relationship! We would have been an Emotionally Balanced and Intelligent Race with no crime rate.  

But this Utopian world just does not exist and so consuming things that have a positive impact on your mind and soul is the only way out. From someone who has consumed Bollywood and romanced SRK, I wish to become more mentally aware of my choices of things I consume- READ, SEE , PLAY OR FOLLOW and influence my mind Myself with things that are good for me and for the World we live in!

Women's Day or Not!

 

If You are a Homemaker, “You do Nothing”, If you are working, “You do nothing at Home”!

If you are a social media person, “You are too full of yourself”, if you are shy “You are Dumb” they said!

 

If you don’t Earn, You are dependent on the Man of the House, If you Earn, You don’t know how to manage the earnings!

 

Girls are sexualized and made to put lipsticks and shake their hips, and women are asexualized and treated like a vamp for making their desires known,

 

Size Zero or Size 20, decades are spent in getting the perfect figure by plenty,

The external layers of makeup hide the crying soul’s shrieks while remaining Dainty;

 

Purity and Impurity of a Woman is determined by the Day of the Month,

 a Man is pure even if he smokes, chews tobacco or is caught Molesting the woman,

 

The Birth of a 2^nd girl child is still a Taboo and less celebrated in many Households,

We See families collecting Money for dowry from the Girl’s age of One;

 

Just yesterday I saw a patient all of 2 months, abandoned in a hospital and brought by a state run orphanage,

When asked the Reason, The Answer was “A 3^rd girl was born in the family, so she was thrown off in rage!”

 

When we as Women judge a Precocious Teenager wearing a Small skirt and doubt her character,

Or see a Burkha clad Woman in a school and prejudge her to be dumb and judge her attire;

 

We praise the men in Politics for being brave and raging wars and we doubt the women politicians for sleeping their way up the ladder

 

We turn a blind eye to the domestic abuse heard or seen in our neighborhoods,

And teach our girls to be equal to the boys without ironing out the societal issues;

 

The Autowalas' stare or the Young Bike rider’s whistle, The Bus conductor’s Brush against your behind or the Pedestrian lurking away at your boobs

These are the known Devils which we happily face like its part of our job,

But its when Teachers, Priests or Tattoo walas abuse their powers when it irks the mob;

 

Being a Doctor, Journalist or a Pilot , I want to be known by my job and not the Adjective “Woman” to define it too.

All I want is an equal playground where Men play against Women in Tennis, Football or Cricket one day

Where no one is known as a “Female” Director, “Female” Doctor or a “Female” Cricketer to define how we slay

 

Words like Feminism and Female Empowerment mean nothing without the Basics set

As long as we divide houses and work zones according to the Gender, these are just Fancy Terms used for Etiquettes

 

The Power that I have with my Pen and my words,

 May there be a little boy sitting in a village, envisioning a Woman working in the fields as a Super Woman and a Man as a Homemaker too.

 

International Women’s Day Sensitizes us to the roles a Woman plays but it is when each day will be made Equal for all, when Physical wars and war lines will blur in the bay.