It’s been a month of Lockdown. Lockdown is a period where
all Non-essential movement by citizens across the country is restricted due to
spread of a deadly disease called Corona Virus (This is of course for future
generations who will be taught about this year of 2020 and for me to read years
later as I am already showing signs of early Dementia)
So somewhere in Jan- Feb of 2020 we heard about this new
virus called Corona Virus in China, where the limited information that was creeping
through the tight journalism control that China has, was that there were
overnight hospitals being built and rows of ventilators required for
respiratory arrest that these patients were facing.
Few children in my Child’s school started wearing mask and
they warned children to be at home if sick. Still in my mind it seemed like a
distant problem like starvation in Ethiopia or immigration crisis of Europe. My
mind was still boggled by patients, surgeries, and meetings to attend, talks to
prepare for, exams for the older one, planning the summer vacation and
generally having a 6 month plan. Those who know me, know my obsession with To
Do lists and it all seemed full with things which now seem impossible to do!
Usually as a Children’s Eye Doctor and a cosmetic Squint
Surgeon, summers are usually packed with work due to school and college breaks
and good time for parents and adults to finish elective surgeries. So in March
I was anticipating a busy 3-4 months ahead.
In first week of March, when I was
finalising the Vacation plans, the travel agent even commented that
International travel is a problem, luckily you are planning domestic! I
remember having a nudge telling me not to complete the advance payment of the
travel for one more week.
Usually I love paying off things in the first go, as
I know then that the travel is finally happening and a reality, but this time
the brain in the gut told No.
By March mid, the crisis hit shores too. Problems hit USA,
UK, Italy, Spain, Germany, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia and India too. At
work, as an eye doctor, patient numbers in Out Patient Departments became quite
low. Parents of my patients started opting out of Elective Surgeries, started
denying the extra waiting time for dilatation or prolonged elective diagnostic
procedures. The IT industry took a stance and asked all its employees to work
from home. Seeing an apparent fear in the eyes of employees and patients, we
too suspected that we might close down for a week or so to re-evaluate the
situation. That was on 21st of March. On 22nd the
Government of India had called for a Sunday Lockdown. We thought it was a one
day thing and so had a celebratory mood that day. By night it was evident that
the whole country is in Lockdown from 23rd March 2020.
I went through Phases during this Lockdown!
Phase 1: Phase of
Euphoria
Yes, I had this one. I hadn’t been on a genuine, unrushed,
long holiday with my kids since 8years. The last holiday that I remember was my
Pre-maternity break I spent at my parents’ place, before the elder one was born
(Come on, you all agree Maternity Breaks should not be called Breaks right!)
So I had this visual of playing games with them all day,
making delicacies they love and generally being cheerful.
I cleaned every small nook, corner and crevice of the house,
decorated, rearranged cupboards, cleaned and cleansed drawers. Also some new
corners of the house were discovered for the multiple Tea and Coffee sessions!
There was a day where I had the Dalgona Coffee Thrice!
So came the Biryani, Pasta, Pizza, Manchurian and Pao Bhaji.
Then came scootering, cycling, football in the corridor, to Chess, Carrom and Ludo.
Cut 2 to reality, and I was finishing household work by 4pm,
was always drained and irritable and demands of the kids were just not ending!
This led to the Phase 2
Phase 2: Phase of
Panic
We hadn’t hoarded much officially. Meaning as a big joint
family we always had surplus grains and legumes and thought that should be
enough. The first few days our daily supply of milk stopped and the vegetable vendors
stopped visiting the community. This is when Panic struck.
From Buying
Tetrapacks of Milk, to conserving on veggies and making one pot meals, it led
to a panic to survive. Also every news of people coming from Abroad and in
quarantine was giving the community jitters.
For the first time Indians who are
proud of their family members coming from overseas were seen hiding these
facts.
There were WhatsApp Wars about how to punish people who hide details.
The Municipal Corporation also labelled houses who were supposed to be in self
quarantine reminding me of the Crosses that Alibaba had placed on the theives’
houses or the Marking done on Jews owned businesses in Germany!
Also my elder one started having Zoom meetings for school
and was thoroughly frustrated with the changed medium of teaching, where
teachers kept sharing YouTube Videos and Power Point Presentations as a
Teaching Medium. With him being grumpy for the first half of the day, the
inevitable fact that life had changed for these little ones was evident!
Phase 3: Phase of
Major Missing
My brother who stays in the US started telling about the
Horrific Death Rate in NYC. The stories shared by many medical professionals on
Instagram and Twitter from all across the world was shattering. I was worried
about my parents, my grandparents and my brother and his loved ones all across
the world. This led to many video Calls with friends and relatives, who owing
to a grueling schedule all these years I hadn’t had time to catch up with.
Phase 4: Guilt
Phase
This has so far been the toughest. Guilt phase is like the
survivor’s guilt. Hearing stories about front liners keeping their family away
and dedicating to the purpose taking care of patients made me very guilty of
being at home and cooking exotic meals and seeing Netflix or reading Fiction!
I
felt like my being a Doctor was purposeless. Being an eye surgeon, suddenly I
went into being described as a non-essential service, and the milkman and the
vegetable vendor were essential services. Made me re-evaluate the long and
arduous journey I took to becoming a super specialist in Ophthalmology!
Phase 5: The
Acceptance Phase
After being almost a month in Lockdown and multiple
meditations and journaling this phase has come. For a lot of us in Lockdown,
this phase will come sooner or later. I would relate my life to Anne Frank or
refugees, and feel so much more privileged. I would get up at night and gaze at
my beautiful family with gratitude to have everyone healthy and happy and
together. I started living more in the present, with the concentration on being
involved in what is happening Now and not being too carried away by What will
happen, How it will happen, Will Human race survive, Will the poor die, Will
there be jobs, How will be recession? The collective effective of such
speculative, presumptive living is usually detrimental and so learning the art
of Present Living and Thinking helps.
The Lockdown is definitely testing, tumultuous, and torturous
but it is with the hope that this is Preventive, Purifying and Positive in its
Nature.
The Biggest Lesson from this is Locked Down at Home or Work, in a
relation or situation, Human Race is Tough and the Survival instinct kicks in to
Levitate your mind, When you Don’t Feel Locked Down Anymore!
